Derober

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It’s a sad day. Legendary Grammy and Tony award winning performer/actor/singer, Robert Goulet, died Tuesday at age 73. He was awaiting a lung transplant after being diagnosed with a rare form of pulmonary fibrosis. Bob will be remembered for his epic performances as Sir Lancelot in Camelot, along with his Vegas shows which held court at the Frontier and Desert Inn. For all you younger reader’s you may remember Robert Goulet from Will Ferrell’s Saturday Night Live parody (below). We’re pouring out a Diablo for you now my friend.

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Photo courtesy of businessweek.com

Stop the Press! Lance Armstrong and li’l ol’ Ashley Olson are playing tonsil hockey. According the the New York Post gossip section,

Ashley Olsen has a new, older man. The 21-year-old twin showed up to the Rose Bar at the Gramercy Park Hotel Monday night with Tory Burch’s ex, Lance Armstrong, 36. Our bar spy said, “They came together with a group of friends. Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m.” Armstrong has been spending more time in town since he bought a home here. Another source said, “He tried to make Tory happy when they were dating by buying a place here, but she couldn’t deal with him not actually living in the same city, so they broke up.” Olsen’s rep didn’t return calls.

Leo:
Take note civilians: if you want to date your famous childhood crush, you have to win the Tour de France seven consecutive times. Shit. I have some work to do. I say good for you Lance (you bastard) -the world’s your oyster, so why not hook up with an Olson Twin. I’m so happy your “Things to do before I die” list is getting shorter and shorter (prick)…

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Photo courtesy of x17online.com

Photo of Lauren Conrad digging for gold

Photo courtesy of x17online.com

Bob ‘The Bitch’ says:
The Hills star Lauren Conrad exited a crowded Les Deux Tuesday night, sporting this sexy sailor/Paris Hilton rip-off outfit. And I’d say there was absolutely nothing wrong with this photo of a person picking a wedgie except for the abundance of that one extra X chromosome. Sorry L’Con, that look is the norm for a male but is completely disturbing and upsetting when performed by a female. I’m pretty sure I learned that tid-bit in the 6th grade–biology 101. I understand your career will be waving by-by in the near future (after that ridiculous show is canceled), but getting extra publicity by picking your own ass is not the answer. There’s no gold there, so keep those fingers out of that region. Leave that task to the men.
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Photo courtesy of justjared.buzznet.com
John:
Page Six reports:

“EVEN Natalie Portman couldn’t get a table at the busy Lower East Side restaurant Apizz last night. On a recently packed night at the joint, one bystander saw Portman walk in with model boyfriend Nathan Bogle. “They didn’t have a reservation,” said the source. “So Natalie leaned in, flashed a mischievous smile, and asked, ‘Are you sure?’ ” The steely manager reiterated that, yes, he was sure.”

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John:
Before you vote for the obvious here. Let me say that I met Kelly Clarkson recently. Leo, myself, and my idiot cousin B.C. were hiking Temescal Canyon in the Pacific Palisades as was Kelly and her friend. I think I was mostly freaked out because just before the hike we were discussing our top 5 women we’d like to date (because that’s what boys do), and I said Kelly was my #1. No more than 45 minutes later I was face to face with her. The details of how tongue twisted I got that day will remain in my darkest closet. I will say this. Kelly was kind and down to earth when we met. She’s got talent and she’s got my vote.

Dee:
Yes, Jonny Boy, I heard about that little episode. You have no game it seems. Kelly, on the other hand, has more game than Parker Brothers. Saw her in concert last year. Yes, I cried during ‘Because of You.’
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more at twiigs.com…

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Photo courtesy of wireimage.com

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
This week while speaking for the Tupperware’s Chain of Confidence program, a campaign that encourages women and young girls to celebrate the bonds of female friendships, Brooke Shields spoke out about driving a car into her own house. She laughs, “I really did drive into my house. I was wearing these fabulous sort of kick-ass platform patent leather… I was all sexed out.” As for why she ran into the house, she exclaims, “I slowed down to what I thought was a proper speed… I went to go put my foot on the break and I couldn’t get my foot off the gas because the wedge was completely wedged under.” She adds, “I slammed on what I thought was the brake and it actually was the gas!”

Shields hit a pillar. She says, “I was fine. The pillar, of course, was removed at which point I was like we didn’t really need that, that’s just in the way.”

Well well, you hear that ladies, if you want to feel empowered, and driving into houses is kinda your thing, then Brooke Shields is the the nut job for you.

John:
Bob, Brooke Shields is not a nut job, she’s an icon. How funny was she in that one sitcom? Hysterical. And then there was that movie on the island, remember? And the other stuff. Classics all. Bob, just please stop talking. You’re making an ass of yourself.

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In keeping with the theme that any big major media release gets leaked, Kim Kardashian’s Playboy spread found it’s way out of Hefner’s safe. Playboy is quickly pretending to clean up all the photos floating around the net. Unfortunately, The Derobers had to remove these shittious photos, but we can assure the drooling public that they are a huge disappointment. So do yourself a favor and don’t buy this magazine.
Kim, who was just finishing her shift at the Spearmint Rhino, had no comment about the leak, but did offer sexual favors for a ride home. A TMZ cameraman jumped at the chance.

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