Derober

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Dee:
It’s official. Reese Witherspoon is loaded. The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that this year’s highest paid actress is none other than Reese herself, who made a wopping 15-20 million. Just behind her were the likes of Angelina Jolie, Nicole Kidman, and Halle Berry, but no one could contend with Reese’s jawline. Personally, when I think of Reese I always imagine her trying to gouge my eyes out with her chin, but maybe I’m just paranoid.

Bob ‘The Bitch’
Every time I think of Reese I piss my pants and forget who I am for a half an hour. I guess I’ve never been the same since Legally Blond 2 came out–the nightmares…oh God the nightmares.

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Dee:
Before rolling over the photo below, try and guess who’s healthy butt this is.

more at twiigs.com…

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Photos courtesy of perezhilton.com

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Dee:
Does a bear shit in the woods Doug? Akon is facing criminal charges for launching a fan off stage onto another fan. Abby Rosa, the poor girl on the receiving end of the human toss got a concussion and is rightfully suing Akon. According the MSN.com, the criminal charges slapped on this guy are: endangering the welfare of a minor, and second-degree harassment. Take him for all he’s worth Abby!!!

Leo:
Let’s not forget Akon also drew criticism for grinding on a 14 year old during a concert in April. To which he argued he didn’t know she was underage. The old Michael Jackson defense. We can only hope a part time vigilante gives this half-wit his come-up-ins.

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Photo courtesy of dailystab.com
Dee:
Mischa Barton, MIA since her last nipple slip, reemerges here looking very sexy. This does not exempt the fact that Mischa is clown shoes. Wanna’ know why? Take it from here, John.

John:
Thank you, Dee. Ahem, The title of this photo is ‘This one’s got legs.’ Mischa is notoriously insecure about her stems as you can see in this In Style piece aptly titled ‘Mischa Barton hates her legs.’ So, in an effort to make Mischa feel better about her legs, Mischa’s publicist dictated the title of the photo to ‘Arena’. ‘Arena’ then handed the raw photo to their in-house retoucher who make Mischa’s legs look like little digital heavens thus making Mischa feel better about herself, and the readers of ‘Arena’ feel terrible about themselves. Get it? Clown Shoes.

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Photo courtesy of perezhilton.com
Photo courtesy of thesuperficial.com

Dee:
Paris Hilton took her new Bo out for dinner and a movie, and even introduced new boy-toy Alex Vaggo to the parents before crashing at a hotel. Amazing Paris, you managed to find a complete carbon copy of yourself in male form. Bravo.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Oh look at Vag Vaggo, he’s so adorable. Do all Swedish cavemen come with chiseled jaws. Or is that come seperate?

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Dee:
Keep the suggestions rolling in! To fill the newbies in, John is now in ‘Phase III’ of his Quest to score a date Kelly Clarkson by making himself a better person. John was an hour early to work and had already hit the gym if you can believe it. ‘Stacy24luv‘ emailed that Kelly loves her some Nascar so John is beefing up on his Nascar knowledge and bad boy attitude. I can honestly say, John’s pretty committed to seeing this through!

John:
The Daytona 500 kicks off the Nascar season this February. I can’t wait! Thanks again for all your suggestions on how I can get a date with Kelly. We have some irons in the fire and some people close to Kelly are working on this. That’s all we can say for now. We’ll keep ya’ll closely posted. Some readers have written in want a Kelly posting every day. We decided that would make me look like a total stalker. If I’m arrested again, that’s my third strike people!

To hear John’s original meeting with Kelly click here.
For the entire saga, click here.

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Photo courtesy of popsugar.com
Dee:
Natalie Portman is beautiful. She poses here for New York Times Style Magazine. The article comes out Sunday, but the pics have arrived. If I had to choose one woman make out with, I’d choose Angelina Jolie. But if I had to choose two, Natalie would be a very close second.

John:
I can see the post production artists/dorks having a laugh, “Hey Bill, check this out. Instead of a dove, I made a dragon. Ha. It’s gonna’ eat her.” I’d love to make smartass comment about Natalie but I can’t. She’s the anti-Britney. I’d wife her but she’s just too clean for me. Like Dee, I like my women just a little on the trashy side.

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