Derober

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Dee:
American badass, Neil Diamond, announced that he wrote the song, Sweet Caroline, for JFK’s tween daughter, Caroline. Little Caroline was 12 when Neil wrote the song. According to IrelandOn-Line.com,

“Diamond performed the 1969 track live via satellite at Caroline Kennedy’s 50th birthday party last week, and gave the hostess a magical gift - revealing she was his muse for the song.
He explained how she had inspired him, as a girl, after he saw a picture of her riding a pony.
Diamond says: “I’ve never discussed it with anybody before - intentionally. I thought maybe I would tell it to Caroline when I met her someday.
“I’m happy to have gotten it off my chest and to have expressed it to Caroline. I thought she might be embarrassed, but she seemed to be struck by it and really, really happy.”

I just puked in my mouth. Let’s not forget some of the lyrics to this now creepy song,

“Hands, touching hands, reaching out
Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Caroline…
…And now I, I look at the night, whooo
And it don’t seem so lonely
We fill it up with only two…”

Leo:
It was touching when Elton John wrote a tribute song about Marylin Monroe. This is a different kind of touching…shame on you Mr Diamond.
But speaking of Marylin Monroe and the Kennedy’s, here’s a little peek into the past of what could have been:

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Photos courtesy of worth1000.com

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Dee:
So Paris Hilton has a new (or old I guess) sex tape that just recently surfaced of her naked in a bathtub being told what to do by ex-duschebag boyfriend Rick Soloman. The Sun reports:

It is thought this new footage was discovered earlier this year when Paris forgot to pay the rent on her storage vault. A website called Parisexposed.com then released the footage on the net, although Paris obtained a temporary injunction against them.
Now, the footage has reappeared on YouTube, with stronger versions available on US websites.

Here’s my small advice to celebrities in Hollywood “Never, NEVER, make a sex tape with anyone, no matter how much you love them at the time. Just a terrible idea. Is sex really that much hotter when a mini DV tape picks up a low resolution version of your sexual deviance?? I just don’t see the appeal.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Dee, once again, you got this partially wrong. If celebrities are dumb enough to tape themselves during sex (or in the nude, period) than they deserve to be ridiculed and punished for their own stupidity. That’s just a part of natural selection. See, this is just science here. Idiots don’t deserve to go on. Wait…did I just segway from Paris Hilton to natural selection?? Either I’m very smart or I’m very dumb.

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Dee:
Remember this cover? The innocence? And remember when Britney Spears talked constantly about saving herself for marriage? Remember? Um… bad news here. US Magazine is reporting that the promiscuous teenager had sex for the first time at age 14 with then boyfriend Reg Jones, the first “love” of her life.

John:
I feel betrayed. I want to go back 10 years and visit my old self, younger John, the one that had a huge crush on Britney. And I want to talk to him. I want to tell him Britney the innocent goddess is not real. She lost her virginity 27 years before I was even born. I want him to know so bad. So much time wasted…

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Photo courtesy of egotastic.com.com

Dee:
There’s not a whole lot to say about this picture. Just another shot of Vanessa Minnillo and hubby boy toy Nick Lachey having fun out on the water. I don’t know who’s boat this is, but it looks expensive.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Dee, you’re so boring. Let me tell you there’s more that meets the eye in this photo. For one, in the original photo I can clearly see that Vanessa is putting on a phony smile for Nickolaus, indicating that she is disgusted with him. There relationship is for show; she gets to be more famous by dating Jessica Simpson’s Ex; he gets to appear like he still gets chicks. But I wouldn’t be surprised if the after pic becomes a reality as Nick must be such a douche bag.

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Photo courtesy of thesuperficial.com.com

Dee:
Everyone’s favorite bootylicious love puppet Beyonce Knowles strutted down the red carpet at the American Music Awards last weekend in a beautiful golden dress. It’s no wonder men everywhere keep going back to the proverbial well that is Beyonce’s voluptuous behind. Good for you girl, work that thing for all it’s worth.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Beyonce’s butt terrifies me. If I saw that semi-truck backing in to me on the street I’d seek shelter immediately. Because the damage that thing could inflict upon a meer mortal is devastating. It would be like a stack of 2-4s smacking you square in your face. An elephant popping a squat right on your head. Or a wrecking ball blind-siding you. Like I said, terrifying.

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Dee:
Tom Cruise was photographed in a bald cap and a fat suit on the set of Ben Stiller’s new film, Tropical Thunder. Tom isn’t too happy about the photos. Shh, Do you hear that Tom?…That’s the sound of nobody giving a shit.

John:
This is a big deal why? News Flash: Tom Cruise, the actor, has just been caught acting! There is photographic evidence to this effect. Yes, a camera caught him acting. A camera. Story is developing…news at 11.

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