How can John score a date with Kelly?

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Dee:
Derober, John met Kelly Clarkson one time and totally blew the opportunity to ask her out. You can read the full story here. He wants a second chance and needs the readers’ help for that. John needs your advice on the best way you think he should go about scoring a date with Kelly. He’ll take the best advice you have and put it to work. This is no joke, John will get a second chance at a first date, it’s just a matter of how soon he gets it with your help. Check back for future updates to this saga!


Britney Spears hits a human speed bump

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Photos courtesy of x17online.com

Dee:
Brit successfully ran over the foot of yet another paparazzi last night in her attempt to leave the Four Seasons Beverly Hills.
The “injured” camera man was not available for comment because he was too busy cleaning the sand out of his mangina.
It’s reported that Britney has since traded in her pearly white Benzo for a lime gree Scion Rally car.
She’s seen here in the video driving through down Mulholland Drive with reckless abandon.

Leo:
I took the video footage myself, this is all true. No one everyone was injured in this video.

Oscar De La Hoy-ly Hell!!!

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Photo courtesy of x17online.com

Dee:
Wow, another blow to the boxing world. Milana Dravnel, (the sexy vixen that took these photos now wants to hurt her ex-fling Oscar De La Hoya bad. The word, according to the New York Post, is that she just filed suit against De La Hoya for the small price of $100 million dollars. According to Milana’s lawyer, Salvatore Strazullo, she is claiming alleged fraud, defamation, interference with contract, infliction of emotional distress and undue influence, against De La Hoya and two other defendants. Her Lawyer also mentioned that Oscar threatened Milana to keep quiet about the photos, which De La Hoya claimed were fakes. Milana, claims that the photos are 100% real, and that Oscar and her apparently shared a yearlong love affair (and a love of lingerie) with the boxer, who is currently expecting a child with his wife, Millie Corretjer. This is just sad in every way.

Bob ‘The Bitch:
Ya know, it’s times like these that I wonder why anyone would ever want to watch boxing anymore when one of the sport’s greatest fighters is a drag-queen (or close enough). Not to mention the fact the UFC is so much better. I mean, could you ever imagine the likes of Chuck Liddell, Rampage Jackson, or Fedor Emelianenko dressing up like a woman? Me neither. Oscar, the least you could do is find a nice little cliff with a view, and throw yourself off of it. And maybe take that money greedy tramp with you…just a thought.

Amy Winehouse gets booted offstage

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Photo courtesy of thesuperficial.com

Dee:
Everyone’s favorite train wreck (from the UK) Amy Winehouse was booed offstage while at the first stop of her UK tour in Birmingham last night. Apparently, she was performing like a drunken slob as she mumbled the shitty lyrics of her songs to her adoring fans. Then, at one point, Amy dedicated a song to her recently departed husband (doing time) Blake Fielder-Civil who is currently in prison for witness tampering. The Crowd responded with an onslaught of boos which Amy retorted to by saying, according to BBC:
“To them people booing, wait ’til my husband gets out of incarceration. And I mean that.” She then stormed offstage in anger.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Amy, in all honesty your husband is a drug addict and a criminal. You need to stop being the crazy chick that you are and realize that your fans are the only reason you’re famous. PS–you’re not enough of a diva to storm offstage. That right is reserved for women with talent, not drunken wh*%#s with bad dental plans.

Matt Damon is sexier than you

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Dee:
People Magazine named Matt Damon 2007’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’. People Magazine began declaring the honor of ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ in 1985 after God himself presented the peeps at People the supreme power of pious-perfection opinion. This is all true.

Leo:
Whatever you just said Dee. I met Matty once at a Cubs game in 2005 and he did ooze sex. I knew then and there that he would someday be king (according to People).