Derober

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Dee:
The “wedding” between Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt has been called off according to US Weekly. The two are claiming to still be a couple but the wedding plans are off.

Grim Reaper:
When the producers of ‘The Hills‘ asked me to be on the show, I was so excited. Huge fan. I asked ‘em, “Now, do you want me to kill Spencer and Heidi, or should I just kill the marriage?” I only wanted to know because killing Spencer would be right up there with the time I whacked Napoleon, the little prick. But I was happy to just kill the marriage and get my SAG card.

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Wow. The striking writers may actually shut down this years Academy Awards! But according the the producer of the award show, he claims,

The show must go on.

OK, so I am for the writers getting what they deserve -fair is fair. But I don’t watch enough TV to have this strike affect my life. So what, the celebrity presenters are going to have to come up with their own shitty banter to stumble through. It’s not like any canned presentation on any awards show is ever funny. In fact the scripted banter is usually uncomfortable for everyone there, including my great grandfather who doesn’t even blush when he farts around company. If anything more people will tune in to a more genuine train wreck this year. I know I will.

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Photo courtesy of Me Magazine.
Dee:
According to W’s blog, Mary-Kate Olsen walked into the Beatrice Inn wearing ‘gobs of jewelry’ and met up with hipster artist, Nate Lowman (pic above). Nate, 28, has an exhibit in the New Museum called “unmonumental.” The two were seen making out in public because the Olsen Twins don’t ‘get a room.’

John:
Mary-Kate and Ash really do get whatever they want, don’t they? They are like that chick in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory who gets whatever she wants. One day it’s “I want to date a biker with one testicle, now” and the next day it’s, “I wanna’ go slumming with an artist in flannel, now!” And, poof, it happens. We call this phenomenon ‘Anorexic Magic.’

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Dee:
This story keeps getting more ridiculous as the fallout from yesterday’s pregnancy announcement takes place. Jamie Lynne’s father Jamie Spears is reportedly “furious” at mother Lynne Spears for selling the exclusive pregnancy story to OK! magazine.”He put his foot down and refused to take any money and ‘profit off of his children,’” a source told Us Weekly. Though maybe he’d like to reconsider after hearing that Jamie received 1 million dollars for the story. Poppa-bear Jamie was “devastated” by the news. He’s “extremely depressed” and “feels Jamie Lynn ruined her life.” In addition to Poppa Spears’ broken heart, the worse news is that Lynne Spears’ tell-all book about parenting is being delayed. The book was slated to be released in 2008. How will I ever know how to raise a child without Lynne’s help??

Bob ‘The Bitch’ All I want to know is why in the hell would you name both of your daughters after the mother and father of the family. Can’t you see how confusing and convoluted that makes things. Furthermore, Jamie why don’t you take your balls out of your ex-wife’s purse and make a stand for once in your life. Wear the pants Jamie, wear the pants!

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Last month foxnews.com reported that Hillary Clinton visited a small town diner in Iowa, received a free meal, and did not even leave a tip. The waitress, Anita Esterday, was shocked that Hillary stiffed her and could only muster the words,

“Maybe they don’t carry money. I don’t know.”

By the way Anita works three jobs -way to make friends Hil. At least you’re not running for President…

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Hillary may wear the pants in this dysfunctional / model American family, but Bill proved that he keeps a wallet in his proverbial skirt. Showing up his wife who “don’t carry money”, Bill left a $45 tip on a $47 bill at another restaurant in Iowa. Tag, you’re it Hillary!

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