As many of you have heard, Tom Cruise has spun off the planet. In this video, he discusses Scientology candidly and without forming a complete thought or coherent sentence. This video is being removed by Scientology’s many lawyers and for good reason. Tom comes across as a bloviating megalomaniac. Only one website, Gawker, has held its ground and refuses to take the video down. For that, they have become our personal heroes. Tonight we join them in an effort to allow as many people as possible see what a flawed sense of reality Scientology has created in this fallen star. Enjoy.
Dear ‘Church’ of Scientology International’s Lawyers,
Please address all inquiries to our lawyer, Paex Aeuspuzoe, or P.A. as we like to call him. Now, he does live on Neptune so mind your time zones. He can be a bit of a meshugeneh if you wake him up before ten. Fair warning, P.A.’s used to be a Scientologist himself, an OTVII theton to be prescise. He went to Tremenina base once to ‘build a bridge to total freedom’ but instead he just got both his snouts blown off in one of the land mine fields they have surrounding the base. So he defected from the fast pace of the Galactic Confederacy and just knits quilts in his free time. His only regret is that he never made it to level OT VIII to ‘experience the highest global sociopolitical echelons’ and maybe bang a virgin. Anyway, send him an email. Parcel post would just take an eternity. Remeber the famous line from Henry VI, “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”
BREAKING: There is a new Tom Cruise Video with subtitles defining all the alien jargon he uses! Brilliant!!!