Derober

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Dee:
As many of you have heard, Tom Cruise has spun off the planet. In this video, he discusses Scientology candidly and without forming a complete thought or coherent sentence. This video is being removed by Scientology’s many lawyers and for good reason. Tom comes across as a bloviating megalomaniac. Only one website, Gawker, has held its ground and refuses to take the video down. For that, they have become our personal heroes. Tonight we join them in an effort to allow as many people as possible see what a flawed sense of reality Scientology has created in this fallen star. Enjoy.
Dear ‘Church’ of Scientology International’s Lawyers,
Please address all inquiries to our lawyer, Paex Aeuspuzoe, or P.A. as we like to call him. Now, he does live on Neptune so mind your time zones. He can be a bit of a meshugeneh if you wake him up before ten. Fair warning, P.A.’s used to be a Scientologist himself, an OTVII theton to be prescise. He went to Tremenina base once to ‘build a bridge to total freedom’ but instead he just got both his snouts blown off in one of the land mine fields they have surrounding the base. So he defected from the fast pace of the Galactic Confederacy and just knits quilts in his free time. His only regret is that he never made it to level OT VIII to ‘experience the highest global sociopolitical echelons’ and maybe bang a virgin. Anyway, send him an email. Parcel post would just take an eternity. Remeber the famous line from Henry VI, “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”
paex69onyou@gmail.com
Warm Regards,
The Derobers

BREAKING: There is a new Tom Cruise Video with subtitles defining all the alien jargon he uses! Brilliant!!!

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Oprah can now add to her list of accomplishments “Have my own TV Network”. Thats right, a whole f#*@king network! First a TV show, then a magazine (that she puts herself on every cover), and now a whole f#*@king network! According to MSN.com,

Discovery Communications and Winfrey announced a deal Tuesday where the Discovery Health network will be turned over to Winfrey next year, becoming OWN — the Oprah Winfrey Network.

The cash-free transaction involved Winfrey turning over her Web site to Discovery, while the communications company makes her chairman of the network, which is currently seen in 68 million homes, said David Zaslav, Discovery Communications chief.

“The focus of the channel will be the focus of Oprah’s brand, which is (to) educate and inspire people to live the best life they can,” Zaslav said.

What’s next for Oprah? Will she buy a movie studio and star herself in every role?

more at twiigs.com…

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Bob ‘The Bitch’: Allow me to take this one, Dee. Last Sunday afternoon Britney Spears strolled into a dressing room at the Betsey Johnson store in Westfield Fashion Square mall in Sherman Oaks. She walked in to try on several dresses, and moments later she walked out with none of the dresses on…including her own. The sales clerks immediately realized that Britney was, in fact, naked. Employees rushed over and tried to conceal her hideousness from the world by hiding her behind a dress. This didn’t sit well with Britney. A store employee reported to Life & Style magazine,

“I was blown away. Britney’s private parts were right in front of me!…I grabbed a dress to cover her and she screamed, ‘Get away from me! Don’t you fucking come near me!’. “Then she disappeared in the dressing room with Adnan for 45 minutes. They were making weird noises. It was disgusting.” Finally, when they came out Britney mumbled something the storekeeper couldn’t make out, “She was slurring and spitting, and talking with a British accent…her face was covered with cold sores and acne, and her scalp was patchy. I wanted to help her, but she was so mean that I left her alone. Then she muttered, ‘Fuck you!’ and left the store.”

For more on Bob ‘The Bitch’s’ day click below.
Continue Reading: Britney strolls out of dressing room in the nude = worst day of my life

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Dee:
After the Giants won their divisional playoff game against the Cowboys on Sunday, they flew home on their private jet. Three players on the Giants squad: Plaxico Burress, Ruben Droughns, and Antonio Pierce then took it upon themselves to celebrate the win by going out to a New York nightclub where they drank the night away. According to Page Six, they “ordered bottles of Grey Goose vodka, Bacardi and champagne. Adoring fans at the club sent over more bottles of champagne and were chanting, “Gi-ants! Gi-ants!”" However, after staying until close the trio left the club without paying the waitress. The bill they had racked up was over $1,000. Lets see, 15% on 1,000 is…a lot of tip that should’ve been paid. And now I hate football more than ever.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Football never liked you anyways, Dee. You’re just its bastard daughter.

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Dee:
Wait, no. That’s the crack of my ass. Honestly, I think the girl is beautiful. But we at Derober have little tolerance for Katie or her parade of Scientology handlers. Katie was supposed to host The View to promote her new film Mad Money but dropped out at the very last second.

John:
We have a really easy scale of rating women at Derober. For example, on a scale of 1 to 10, let’s say you’re a 9 1/2. Now, if you’re a Scientologist, just subtract eight million points. Easy, huh?
Holy Shit! This just in. A Tom Cruise Scientology video has just been smuggled into Gawker. The Scientologists are threatening to sue if Gawker doesn’t remove the video and Gawker is refusing! Tom openly discusses Scientology in the video and comes off like a mad man. CLICK HERE TO WATCH THIS MUTHERF%*#ING VIDEO!

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