Mary Kate just not right for Iron Man. But crazy

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Photo courtesy of x17online.com.

Dee:
Mary Kate Olsen clunked out of the Beverly Hills Hotel yesterday afternoon wearing what I’m told are ‘Boots’. Can we confirm that, Bob??

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Yeah, boots!?

Dee:
Thanks, Bob. We could of swore she had just finished an audition for the part of Iron Man in the upcoming movie. But nope, she actually wears these boots. Let that be a reminder kids, drugs aren’t for everybody. I mean, they’re not for anybody.

Paris sings at a bar. Somewhere, a baby cries.

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Dee:
Paris Hilton showed up at The Estate in Boston over the weekend and decided to sing her ‘hit’ song, “Stars are Blind” for the crowd. Basically, she was drunk, her boob fell out, and she disrupted an intense game of midget toss between title-holder Scott “bottle rocket” Bigsby and condender Paul “I’m small because I have to feed it” Taylor.
Paul won. Scott put the match under protest because Paris’ song made him cry.

Paris Hilton is a mannequin

Darby Gunpowder:
It’s a little known fact that Paris Hilton coined the original Blue Steel pose -Zoolander stole it. We’re told from a close source that she sleeps like this too.

Disclaimer: The photo slideshow above will cause you to puke all over your computer if you stare at it for more than 6 seconds.

For something a little easier on the eyes, click here to see Keeley Hazell topless in all her glory.

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Transvestite shows up at Grammy’s impersonating Miley Cyrus

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Miley Cyrus graced the red carpet at the Grammy’s last night accompanied by 2 gallons of makeup. In case you people forgot, Miley is 15 years old! Someone needs to remind her that makeup is for old women who are hiding imperfections and Geishas -not tweens. She must have lost a bet as no one in their right mind would show up at the Grammy’s done-up as a transvestite.

Roy Scheider dead at 75

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Dee:
Roy Scheider, known best for his role as Chief Martin Brody in the 1975 hit movie Jaws, passed away last Sunday. Scheider had been battling multiple myeloma and blood cancer for several years at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences hospital in Little Rock, Arkansas. He was 75 years old.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Everyday after school when I was about 5 or 6 years old I used to sneak off into basement and watch Jaws. I was terrified and mystified by the movie. But I always remember relating to Chief Brody’s character the most. He was a hero of mine then and now.

Coincidentally, I think I just figured out why I’ve had psychological problems as an adult. It all stemmed from Jaws. But it was worth it.
RIP Roy. And by god, “Smile you son of a bitch!!!”