Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
As Derober reported earlier today, there is a rumor going around that Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer which has spread so rapidly that he only has 5 weeks to live. This was reported by The National Enquirer (who I guess pass as a credible news outlet these days) who say that the 55 year old has been getting radical treatments at Stanford’s medical center. However, the treatments aren’t working. Swayze’s publicist has yet to comment.

Ok, let me tell you something about the Swayze. It would take a lot more then cancer to stop him. He wakes up and eats a bowl of Cancer Flakes every morning only to shit it out every afternoon. He’s a modern day Bill Bradsky, or Chuck Norris if you prefer, and it is said that he can’t die. Last time Death tried to kill him Death ended up with anal fissures and couldn’t walk right for a week. I’m just saying. Patrick Swayze for President…of the world.