Derober

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Darby Gunpowder:
It’s safe to say that everyone has had a job they hate. We’ve all considered jumping out of a high-rise window or exfixiating ourselves with bubble wrap -no? Go work at Wells Fargo.
I digress. A 48-year old construction worker at Mel Gibson’s Augora Hills house hung himself on the job site.
My first instinct is to feel bad for this “poor” guy, but I can’t. Homeboy took the easy way out and gave up on life. His choice, but definitely a rude gesture to anyone who cares about him. Not to mention, extra-rude to the Gibson family who now have to live in a haunted, tormented house. What a jerk. Mel’s a pretty tough dude, especially boozed up, but imagine getting up in the middle of the night to take a leak and you’re confronted by a ghostly construction worker wielding a nail gun -even William Wallace would shit his pants.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
There is nothing about this picture of Nicole Richie and Joel Madden walking with their baby in LA that has any importance or relevance in the celebrity world. Except for the fact that both Joel and Nicole look dead in the eyes. Personally, I think the rollover photo is much more exciting. But I am a dick.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
The Wentz-bag is back, and he’s blurring gender lines everywhere just despite me. According to pagesix.com Pete Wentz admits that he loves wearing women’s shoes. In particular, he love’s wearing Jessica Simpson’s shoes. I smell a cat fight. Pete said, “I dance around my house in them all the time.” Huh, what a coincidence, I happen to kill men who dance around their apartment in women’s shoes. I knew I had a purpose in life. Keep dancing Pete, I’ll see you real soon.

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“Do you want to make a sex tape for the internet?” “What’s the internet?”

John:
Sex Scandal week is almost as good as Shark Week. Lots of teeth. In this case, Lindsay’s teeth on her ex-boyfriends nob. Callum Best has been claiming to have a sex tape of Lindsay for months. Now, a grainy NSFingW photo has been leaked to the press and it appears Callum and his friends are shopping it around. Callum shot on his cell phone while Lindsay blew him south of sideways. Bob ‘the Bitch’ has sketched the photo but it’s not very good because he has some sort of palsy. The actual photo is here

Sex Scandal Week round-up: Kristen Davis here. Audrina Partridge here.
Oh yeah, somebody filmed Adriana Lima’s topless GQ cover shoot. Bam!

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How many passes does the white team make?

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