Derober

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…and God created douchebags on the 8th day. Great minds have always pondered this hiccup in creation. Are Douchebags (DBs) surviving descendants of Sodom and Gomorrah? Were they created by terrorists to infiltrate our society and hook up with hot chicks, thus driving sane men to suicide? We don’t know. What we do know is that they multiplying and opening spray-on-tan shops on every corner.
Paris Hilton is the latest victim of the DB epidemic. The former heiress is dating Benji Madden. I know what you’re thinking, Paris Hilton is a female douchbag herself, which is true, but it doesn’t discount the fact that she’s hot and hooking up with a counterpart douchebag. Madden-bag even gave Paris a ring with his initials on it: BM (Bowel Movement).
For hilarious stories of more hot chicks with douchebags, visit hotchickswithdouchebags.com and pray to God your photo is not on the site.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Just when I think I’ve heard it all the great redneck hope Kevin Federline rears his ugly head. According to Us Magazine, K-Fed has reportedly been offered a role in the Tony-nominated musical Legally blonde. Us said:

The former backup dancer and aspiring hip-hop artist — who is hitting the gym after packing on “daddy weight,” ex Shar Jackson says — will test his song-and-dance chops in a trio of roles — including the UPS guy who inspires the “bend and snap.” “This is his chance to show the world what he can do,” says a pal.

I knew it, I knew one day K-Fed would take a torrential shit on us all. I just didn’t know it would come this soon. I have so much life ahead of me, and now this. K-Fed on Broadway. There goes the planet.

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Jesus-weaping-Christ, Britney Spears will be guest starring on the sitcom “How I Met Your Mother”. In a recent read-through, the cast said she was,

“really funny” and “very professional.”

Not mentioned, was that the cast had a gun to their head by Britney’s land-monster bodyguards when making the comment. 5 bucks Doogie Houser impregnates her.

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John:
69 year-old Dawn Wells who played Mary Jane Ann on Gilligan’s Island was given 6 months probation for smoking and possession of marijuana on Feb. 29th. According to the police report, Dawn was on her way home from a birthday party in her honor. It was supposed to be a three hour tour until she was pulled over for swerving across lanes of traffic. When the officer smelled the dank, Wells said she’d just given a ride to three hitchhikers and had dropped them off when they began smoking something. Because of the drugs, Dawn had forgotten that hitchhiking has been almost unheard of since the late 1970’s.
While Derober does not advocate smoking pot and driving, we do admire Mary Ann’s hipster vibe in later years. I smell the cover of High Times!

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Seriously, I think Halle Berry might explode (socialitelife)
How a doctor would spare him/herself from a hangover (Asylum)
Tracy Ullman’s new show looks hysterical. Enjoy Sheryl Crow, MK! (popbytes)
More Zeta. Zeta. Zeta (Ayyyy)
Funniest bike I’ve ever seen (mannpill)
Man arrested outside Kate Hudson’s house (dailystab)
Clooney is not Gay, Gay, Gay! (bedhead)
Scarlett Johannson is directing? (superficial)

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