Derober

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Celebrity Birthdays March 11, 2008

Actor Johnny Knoxville is 37
News correspondent Sam Donaldson is 74
Actor Mark Metcalf (Animal House ) is 62
Singer Bobby McFerrin is 58
Actor Jeffrey Nordling (24 ) is 46
Actress Alex Kingston (ER ) is 45
Singer Lisa Loeb is 40
Actor Terrence Howard (Crash,Hustle and Flow ) is 39
Singers Benji and Joel Madden of Good Charlotte are 29
Singer LeToya Luckett (Destiny’s Child) is 27
Actress Thora Birch (Ghost World,American Beauty ) is 26

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Ok, so that wasn’t much of a real question. Of course great big asses think alike. They stick up for one another. Asking why Kim idolizes Jennifer Lopez is like asking a grenade why it likes explosions. Or asking a mustache why it loves Burt Renolds. They’re just meant to be thought of in the same sentence. And as a psych minor myself I can point out that similar looking people generally..drumrole please…..like to associate with similar looking people. It’s why hot chicks hang with hot chicks. Jocks with jocks. And it’s probably why I admire anyone that is shorter than me. Because just like J-Lo’s ass makes Kim’s ass look ‘not so fat’, shorter people make me feel less like a dwarf.

It’s science.

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WARNING: THESE PEOPLE EXIST!

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By now you’ve all heard that Tom Cruise actually set up a fake audition for a fake movie to find a real wife. There were strict guidelines: “the girls had to be A-list, single, pretty and in their twenties”. This, I cannot argue with. He started with the cream of the crop and invited, Jessica Alba, Jennifer Garner, and Scarlett Johansson to the “audition”. Garnar and Alba smelled a rat and declined the invite when they finally stopped laughing. Scarlett accepted, but later freaked out when she found out the audition was at the Brainwashing Scientology Center in Hollywood. After watching a ball-dropping episode of Dawson’s Creak, Cruise extended the wife invite to sweet little Katie Holmes, and you all know how the rest of the kidnapping fairytale goes from there.

So what have we learned here ladies and germs? Katie Holmes was Tom Cruise’s FOURTH pick. Someone should really tell her. Here are directions to their house.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Let me start right off with a question. How warped is our society when a single nude picture of a model can be sold for 80 grand? Really?? I can imagine the conversation now when a father explains to his son how he blew Mom’s Chemo treatment funds on a nude 8 X 12 of Gisele Bundchen. Hooray America! Land of the free indeed. While you’re at why don’t you throw in a nail gun and staple your feet into the ground of your own house because you probably don’t belong in the general population. After all, it is only a picture. Have you heard of a thing called the internet my friend? A great man once told me, “Why buy the cow when you can rape one for free?” Truer words were never spoken. And to all of you rich ass-clompers out there who would actually consider buying these ridiculous pics all I can say is shame on you! You don’t deserve to live.

And just for the record, you can buy Gisele, Kate Moss and many other classy pics at the auction this coming April 10 at Christie’s in New York. Come for the pics, stay for the veal. It’ll be well worth your time.

Below are a few things for less than the price of Gisele’s picture. Enjoy.

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