Derober

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Ok, before I go off the rocker I would like to point out that I’m aware of the fact that a belly button has no real function or purpose to us mortals. It is not essential to sustain life. Having said that, I’d like to say WTF! Are you serious, you’ve had so many tummy tucks, Patricia, that you’re own belly-button has disappeared. Gross!! You know, as far as I know my nipples are worthless to me but you don’t see me lopping them off to get that perfect C-cup I’ve always dreamed of. And you know why, Patricia?? Because my nipples are an essential ingredient for proving that I am in fact human (as astounding as that is). And it’s the same for the belly-button.

In Patricia’s 2002 memoir Motherhood and Hollywood, she claims that her plastic surgeon made her a new belly button during the tummy tuck procedure. “I get to stay in a recovery center for three days and take Percocet, Valium and Ambien all at the same time. That’s right! Who knew? It was as if cutting me open, creating a new belly button and scraping out seven years of scar tissue never happened!”

Congrats Patricia! You look awful.

Comment (0)

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

As any reputable celebrity will tell you, stalkers come with the territory. If your a celeb, you can only cross your fingers that you get a good one. In Britney’s case, she got a perverted stalker, which is one notch better than a death-threat stalker. So that’s good. OK magazine has all the sweet details:

“It started about six weeks ago with just letters being sent once a week,” a source who has seen the packages reveals to OK!. “And then it quickly escalated to larger packages that now arrive two to three times a week — always to the same L.A. address, but never to one of Britney’s homes.”

And according to the source, it’s a good thing these boxes never made it to the still-recovering singer’s doorstep, because what’s inside could not be good for her mental state.

“The first thing you see when you open the box is a huge, lavender-colored, battery-operated sex toy,” the source tells OK!. “Still with the price tag on it.” And alongside the mechanical apparatus are two letters — one handwritten and one written on a computer — both threatening and pornographic in nature.

“The handwritten one is on note paper and it’s written in a crazy, all-caps chicken scratch,” says the source, who adds that the five-page typed letter contains vivid, pornographic details of the writer’s fantasy exploits with Britney, none of which can be printed here.

Perhaps the scariest item inside the package is what some believe to be a picture of the sender — a middle-aged Caucasian male with stringy, greasy hair — with the eyes cut out of the photo, in which he appears to be squirting some sort of yellowish liquid into his open mouth.

“It’s like something from a bad movie,” says the source. “If I hadn’t seen it myself, I wouldn’t believe it.”

Continue Reading: Britney Spears’ twisted stalker details exposed

Related Stories:

• Guess who’s in the bag?
• Tila Tequila finds love
• Britney really needs more attention
• Teaser: The Derobers go to Britney Spears’ house.

Comment (0)

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

John:
Ok, Ok, so it’s not her birthday for another month. With an occasion this big, you can’t take any chances. You see that Emma did not respond well to the confetti or the hat. Too childish. Lesson learned. We need something that says, ‘You’re still young, but sophisticated.’ Emma spent her 17 11/12th birthday at Empire Awards in London over the weekend.
The Derobers will run more ‘Emma drills’ drills until the big day on April 15th. Remember, practice makes perfect.

Comment (1)

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
This week, Jessica Simpson spent time with US troops in Kuwait for Operation Myspace. The results were less than stable. Soldiers turned on one another, ‘Code-Reds’ were ordered, and we just got word that a reported 15 fighter jet planes have crashed due to an apparent ‘lack of concentration’. But it’s a small price to pay for an unbelievable piece of tail. Good morale is essential in combat. Just ask my 5th grade sex-ed teacher, Mr. Steinberg.

Comment (0)