Derober

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John:
Angelina channels Audrey Hepburn in her latest spread. The photos were taken pre-bump but the look in her eyes clearly says, “Impregnate me now, Billy Bob.”
And he did.

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The sexiest train conductors in Japan (Asylum)
Simon Cowell says goes ape shit on Seacrest (Bedhead)
Jessica Simpson and Romo are still going strong, baby (Stab)
Olsen Twins wanted as Playmates (Ayyyy)
Rebecca Romijn gives best lap dance ever (Mannpill)
Barrymore and Mac Boy look happy I guess (superficial)
Jessica Simpson has boned three of these dudes (Dlisted)

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Leo:
Just a reminder, you automatically get 1 point on the Hot Scale of you are famous. You also automatically get another point if you have a foreign accent. So by default, Amy Winehouse has 2 gimme points on the Hot Scale. Winehouse could not afford to lose a point, but she did with her recent outbreak of impetigo, a skin disease that consists of hideousness. Mayo Clinic’s actual definition is,

“Impetigo starts as a red sore that quickly ruptures, oozes for a few days and then forms a yellowish-brown crust that looks like honey or brown sugar. The disease is highly contagious, and scratching or touching the sores is likely to spread the infection to other parts of the body as well as to other people.”

Mayo omitted the fact that millions of crab eggs hatch inside your face and burst through your cheek. This is all true.

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John:
French Oscar winner Marion Cotillard has her doubts about the the September 11th attacks on the U.S. Footage has surfaced from a French television interview on Paris Première - Paris Dernière in which she says,

“I have my doubts. We see other towers of the same kind being hit by planes, are they burned? There was a tower, I believe it was in Spain, which burned for 24 hours. It never collapsed. None of these towers collapsed. And there [New York], in a few minutes, the whole thing collapsed.”

Marion dismisses that Twin Towers fell based on the fact that a ‘Spanish tower’ once burned for 24 hours and didn’t fall. Did that tower possibly have 10,000 gallons of jet fuel burning at nuclear temperatures?
As if that wasn’t bad enough, she went on to deny that man has ever set foot on the moon. That’s right, Marion, it’s all like a big movie. The lunar landings were filmed on a Burbank sound stage and the Twin Towers were an elaborate hoax YOU STUPID IDIOT. What’s worse is that she’ll be lauded as a hero back in France. I hear France’s space program in thriving, by the way. Congrats.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
This morning Ryan Seacrest unleashed a titanic dump on the world via a Britney Spears/Heidi Montag Duet. The results were…unstable. Scientists are reporting the San Andreas fault just doubled in width. Meanwhile, Britney is denying that she gave Heidi permission to release the song. But like a fart on ‘taco Tuesday’ the song just won’t go away. It seeps into our collective minds and stains our underpants with ruthless disregard for the law. Good luck, listeners, and Godspeed.

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