Derober

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Photo credit: Bitten and Bound
John:
Federal consumer safety watchdogs are investigating claims that Hannah Montana toys contain high levels of lead. The line posted nearly a hundred million in revenues last year. Wow. Paint on five of 28 products tested, including a Girls Rock backpack sold at Walmart.com and a Secret Star wallet from toys R Us, were found to contain up to fourteen times the federal standard for lead.
Are you kidding me? I just purchased the Hannah Montana Backstage Makeover Kit. You know the one I got for my six year old niece with fair skin? I can’t just have her take all that makeup off. It’s caked on for Christ’s sake. She loves it. It’s only an accusation, right? Look man, I can’t talk about this now, I gotta’ run to the store to get some Benedryl for my niece. She’s breaking out and I think it might be chicken pox.

As always, Miley Cyrus’ leaked MySpace pictures will accompany any press she ever gets…ever.

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John:
Welcome to another episode of Derober dress diving. Gemma Atkinson, England’s favorite pin-up girl, is special. She was given some gifts and she’s sharing her special gifts with the world. In the article Gemma talks about how she doesn’t ever withhold sex from her soccer-star boyfriend, Marcus Brent, before matches, “There is no pre-match nookie ban.” Jesus. And there you have it. A real humanitarian.

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John:
This is Marc Jacobs new ad campaign with Victoria Beckham. It sucks.

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Funny. Really funny.

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John:
Tori Spelling is asking for a job, hat in hand. Preferably, as a “young, hot stepmom.” Some other options the producer’s are tossing about are:
1. Middle-aged homely stepmom
2. Woman #3 (Delivers the line, “Hey, that’s my car you brat!”
3. Short order chef at Peach Pit
4. Hooker #2
5. Hooker #5 (Latino)
6. No role at all (most likely)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
While at a photo shoot in Hollywood, Lindsay Lohan was spotted wearing her traditional black leggings. Same old story, right? Well, not quite. If you observe Speciman A you will notice a regular human body from the torso up, however, upon closer examination you can see two tree trunks where Lindsay’s legs should be. Those things are huge. You could beat a grizzly to death with those. If she stepped on your toes you could kiss walking again bye-bye forever. But in all seriousness–I love Lindsay ‘Brick-house’ Lohan. Keep on clomping.

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