Derober

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John:
Tori Spelling is asking for a job, hat in hand. Preferably, as a “young, hot stepmom.” Some other options the producer’s are tossing about are:
1. Middle-aged homely stepmom
2. Woman #3 (Delivers the line, “Hey, that’s my car you brat!”
3. Short order chef at Peach Pit
4. Hooker #2
5. Hooker #5 (Latino)
6. No role at all (most likely)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
While at a photo shoot in Hollywood, Lindsay Lohan was spotted wearing her traditional black leggings. Same old story, right? Well, not quite. If you observe Speciman A you will notice a regular human body from the torso up, however, upon closer examination you can see two tree trunks where Lindsay’s legs should be. Those things are huge. You could beat a grizzly to death with those. If she stepped on your toes you could kiss walking again bye-bye forever. But in all seriousness–I love Lindsay ‘Brick-house’ Lohan. Keep on clomping.

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Darby Gunpowder:
In news of the disturbing, Miley Cyrus has been sculpted into a life size wax figure for Madame Tusauds wax museum in New York city. This is disturbing on so many levels: Whoever sculpted the likeness of teenage Miley had to replicate her whole body -identically…do the math people.

I just puked in my mouth.

I don’t even want to know if its anatomically correct. Barbie dolls and action figures are one thing, but a life size replica is perverted. Whoever sculpted this sick monstrosity should take a flame thrower to this thing if he/she ever wants to sleep again.

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Just a few days ago, pop media descended on Orso restaurant for Kathy Hilton’s 49th Birthday. Attended by Paris, Nicky, Vanna White, Faye Resnick and even Mel Brooks, the bash was a well-oiled media stroke-off. Reporters scraped for tawdry morsels like what Paris ate or if Nicky ate anything at all. Something, anything.
But something did happen at Orso that day and the details are just coming to light right now. Our sources at Orso wish to remain anonymous but this story will stir some debate. So what happened?

“First of all, the group sounded like a big flock of turkeys. Paris was there. Nicky is rail thin. Worse than Nicole Riche. The group was constantly in and out of the bathroom. Get this, they trashed it. All of them. Continue Reading: Exclusive: Paris Hilton’s mom loses the family jewels at birthday party

Related Stories:

• Paris gets shot down by John Mayer
• Would someone tell Nicky Hilton to lay off the fries
• Hot chick with douchebag
• Guess how Paris described Kim’s ass??

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GQ made a video of Adriana Lima’s topless cover shoot! (Asylum)
Guess which Idol train wreck got the boot (Popbytes)
A prince, a Spacey, and a Paltrow (Bedhead)
A ‘Who wore it Better‘ for the ages (Ayyyy)
Is that Miley F#%king Cyrus? (Stab)
Marisa Miller has the perfect body (Mannpill)
Tara Reid looks good in lingerie. No, really (Bitten)
Charlize Theron is ready to make babies (Obsessed)

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