Derober

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Darby Gunpowder:
Reputable news source, The National Inquirer is claiming that Britney’s manager, Larry Rudolph is shopping around a reality show featuring Britney Spears in her everyday life. A shit-load of production companies are interested and are willing to pay millions for the show. I’m ashamed to say I’d watch it. I’d watch it IF they unleashed Britney into a remote jungle with nothing but the clothes on her back and rapper Ice-T. And they were hunted by wealthy white men with automatic weapons who are bored of hunting dear and quail and have a lust for human blood. Tivo Season Pass: ON.

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John:
Rapper Vanilla Ice (real name: Robert Matthew Van Winkle) was arrested on Thursday night for allegedly hitting and kicking his wife. He was charged for domestic battery and is being held in Palm Beach County Jail. When his wife was questioned about the incident by the paparazzi, she said:

“He started yelling at me for going out to buy a bedroom set. In front of my daughter. I’m sorry I can’t say any more until I talk to an attorney.”

That must have been one hell of a bedroom set. Maybe the two should have stopped, collaborated, and listened to each other. Was it the brand new edition bedroom set? He must have grabbed a hold of her pretty tightly to be hauled in.
Will the violence ever stop, yo’?
I don’t know?

I could go for days, people…

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Kathy Griffin and Adnon bring the circus to town (DListed)
World’s best hooker crowned (Asylum)
Paris’ reality show not doing so hot (Superficial)
Bond. Emo Bond (BedHead)
Britney donates to charity (Stab)
Gerard Butler is NOT dating Cameron Diaz (JustJared)
Ashlee Simpson is a gay man (pinkisthenewblog)

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John:
The concert was set to begin at 8:30pm, however, it didn’t start until an hour later because of DMX’s late arrival. Unfortunately for concert goers, the event was closed down after just three songs. Lambda Chi Alpha had confirmed to the University that the concert music and noise would be over at 9:30pm. The concert was to be the climax of IU’s famous Little 5 week. When the music was heard past 9:30pm, police officers arrived to shut the concert down.
DMX was removed from the stage and State and Bloomington Police officers were called in when the crowd started to yell profanities. Crowd members continued to protest the concert’s end. That’s when things got ugly.
Students in the front row of the concert were MACED!!! A small riot followed and garbage was thrown at police and guards while students took their party/riot to the streets. IU undergrads fight back by partying harder. If that sounds weird to you, visit IU. They have a really warped sense of reality. And we dig that. Go hoosiers!! Wreck shop!!!

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The Guinness book of world records thinks Jyoti Amge is the smallest person in the world. They are incorrect. The Derobers are clearly much more vertically challenged than the “Jyoti the Giant” as we call her.
According to bitsandpieces.us,

“Jyoti Amge, 14, is shorter than the average two-year-old child and only weighs 11lb (5kg). She has a form of dwarfism called achondroplasia and won’t grow any taller than her current height.
Due to her size, Jyoti has to have clothes and jewellery made for her. She sleeps in a tiny bed and uses special plates and cutlery to eat, as normal-sized utensils are too big. Despite this, she goes to a regular school in Nagpur, central India, where she has her own small desk and chair, and her classmates treat her like any other student.”

Boo-effin-hoo. Try finding condoms or blow-up dolls that cater our condition. On the upside, John has clearly mastered the sport of celebrity dress-diving.

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