Derober

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Nicole Ritchie wears clownshoes (pink)

Lindsay Lohan’s Breasts are Back (egotastic)

Jeremy Piven’s hot biatch rocks a bikini (stepfather)

Valedictorian doesn’t give a f@#k in his senior speech (Asylum)

Scarlett Johansson music video? (stab)

Pam Anderson Is Now Officially America’s Problem (socialitelife)

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Darby Gunpowder:
OP clothing line is making a big push for summer, signing some big names to whore their once dope line. My first thought when I saw these bullshit Abercrombish photos was that Kristin Cavallari makes me want to cry. My second thought was, “SWEET! Chewbacca!” John ruined my day when he broke the news that the adorable Wookie was actually Rumor Willis. Thanks John -shoot me with a Bowcaster while you’re at it.

For a little something easier on the eyes, check out some pics of the lovely Kristen Cavallari here.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
If you live your life vicariously through Star Wars like me this will come as a shock to you. In an interview for a British TV special, Carrie Fisher admitted to having an affair with Harrison Ford while on the set of Star Wars: A New Hope. According to Carrie:

“I went on the film saying ‘I’m going to have an affair’, like it was a kiwi, an exotic fruit — because I’d never had one!” She adds: “I had a crush on Harrison for sure. Harrison is great fun when he’s had a few drinks.”
Shaking her head and saying: “I’m going to get in so much trouble,” she adds: “Once I left the room and came back and he was in the closet not wearing a lot of clothes.”

This really changes things for me. Now I know why the scene in Empire Strikes Back when Leia declares that she loves Han he only replies “I know.” He didn’t want Carrie to get any ideas that things would progress past that night. When you’re a player like Ford this is standard issue stuff. You have to let the babies know that all this man can’t be held in one place. It has to be spread all over the world until the well runs dry.

Thank you Han, for spreading your greatness over us all.

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John:
I think it’s safe to say that I’ll be canceling my subscription to Rolling Stone. These girls have no association with music other than Tranny Montag made some sort of musical abortion a few months ago. I once heard Lauren Conrad call a flute a “music stick.” Swear to God.

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John:
Ooooooh, that’s his daaaaughter. Now I get it. This is disgusting. The ONLY explanation I have for this is that Hulk thought he was sticking his Hulk-hands in his daughter’s friend’s ass (on left), something he’s done before. When he realized he was rogering his own daughter, Brooke, he Hulk-puked all over the place and apologized.

Apology not accepted.

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