Sophie Monk takes pity on Ryan Seacrest

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
When Ryan Seacrest put his big-boy boots on, dressed in his finest suit and climbed a ladder to ask Sophie Monk out, her response was simple, ‘Sure, you’re rich.” In addition to Seacrest’s wealth, Sophie felt sorry that such a cute smurf was trying so hard to win her affection. It reminded her of her favorite pastime of watching midgets trying to board roller coasters–sad, but adorable. And ultimately this is an upgrade for Monk as she was previously seen dating Benji Madden who I swear has rabies.

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Miley Cyrus may be a stripper

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Darby Gunpowder:
Outrage. Disgust. Shock. Entrapment. These are just some of the words that come to mind when I reflect on Miley Cyrus’s performance on American Idol - Idol Gives Back. The fifteen-year-old exposed her bare tongue, spread her legs obtusely, and was gyrating -yes gyrating. I had to leave the room at the risk of additional impure thoughts. Gone are the days when we thought Britney Spears was pushing the envelope with a Catholic school girl uniform. What’s next, a Jonas Brother’s-Ashley Tisdale orgy for the after school special?

Photos sourceĀ 

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Raise your hand if you’re an idiot

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John:
Hip hop ex- huster Jay-Z and Beyonce have finally tied the knot. The ultra-private ceremony included all the Knowles, the Destiny’s Children and Gwyneth & Chris Martin. This weekend marked the end of an era for Jay-Z and all the fans who believed his teachings about the opposite sex. We leave you now with some quotes from Jay-Z songs ‘eternal’ pimpin’ days. You deceived us all, Jay, and I’ll never forgive you.

“You know I love ‘em and leave ‘em ’cause I don’t f*ckin’ need ‘em” - Big Pimpin’

“I got 99 problems but the bitch ‘aint one” - 99 Problems

“I might bark your ex, and spit at the locks” - It’s Like That

“Life’s short, so play hard and stick hard
and the only time you love em is when your dick hard”- Cashmere Thoughts

“Tryin to find a little hon for some one-night love” -2 Many Hoes

“I get that butter all night
And if you free tomorrow night we can meet and discuss price” - 1-900-Hustler

What’s the Craziest thing Gary Busey ever snorted cocaine off of?

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John:
In a recent interview with Maxim, Gary Busey was asked what’s the strangest thing he ever snorted cocaine off of? Busey couldn’t remember at the time. Then a few hours later Busey’s publicist called Maxim back because Gary had finally remembered. I repeat, Busey got back to ‘em on that one. And he did not disappoint:

I came home one day, took off my windbreaker, and three bindles of cocaine fell to the floor. Well, my dog, Chili, who has short hair, came in and laid on her back with her legs in the air, and she rubbed all my cocaine on her back and side. I yelled, “No, Chili! No” So I got a straw, and I started brushing her hair and snorting where I saw cocaine. Back, butt, side — not a spot was left. It took me 25 minutes to snort all the cocaine the dog had on her coat. The fringe benefits of this were that the fleas, the dog hair, the mud, and the sweat went in my nose, too. It’s not a good flavor coming off the dog.

Charlton Heston Dies at age 84

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John:
The star of some of Hollywood’s greatest epics is gone. The Oscar-winning actor passed away at home in Beverly Hills on Saturday night. His wife Lydia was at his side. The details of his death have not yet been released but he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease early in 2002. His publicist publicist Michael Levine described Heston’s passing as the end of an era:

“If Hollywood had a Mt. Rushmore, Heston’s face would be on it,” Levine said. “He was a heroic figure that I don’t think exists to the same degree in Hollywood today.”

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