Derober

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John:
The soon-to-be king of late night goes under the digital knife all the time. I don’t know who his midget is there in the photo or why he’s wearing Conan’s king crown. I’ll do some digging and get back to you guys when he’s dead.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Jerry Seinfeld flipped his vintage 1967 Fiat BTM after realizing his car brakes were non-existent. He was driving alone in the Hamptons and swerved to keep the car from careening into an intersection. We’re guessing his car flipped 28 times and landed in a tree for dramatic effect. Miraculously, no one was hurt in the accident.

Jerry made lemonade out of the near-fatal crash:

“Because I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do,” Seinfeld said. “It is not something I plan to make a habit of.”

Clownshoes. Simply clownshoes.

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John:
This week’s OK! Magazine cover features a photograph of Britney Spears with the headline, “Britney Lost 15 Lbs in Just 4 Weeks!” To prove this, OK! recycled a photo from Glamour’s 2003 Women of the Year issue and tried to pass it off as current. This truly exposes just how far celebrity rags are willing to go to move copies.  It’s arrogant to think they won’t get caught and presumes the American public is lazy and stupid. Sadly, Britney’s actual weight loss secret is, in fact, a time machine.

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World’s most elaborate sex toys (Asylum)
Nicole Kidman’s botox issues…her face primarily (Bedhead)
Jennifer England in a bikini is fun (mannpill)
Kevin and Britney’s secret weekend (popbytes)
Alanis gets retouched (DListed)
Amy Winehouse is tormented by demons (Stab)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
This may all be untrue, but according to a source Gerard Butler and Cameron Diaz might be an item. The two have reportedly been, “getting very close.” An onlooker noted that,”there was a lot of thigh and arm touching.” So whatever you take from that is what’s happening. But if it is true then I can’t help but feel a little bit responsible for the two hooking up. How is that you ask? Well, when I walked out of the movie 300 I said to my friends, “that guy deserves to get laid by the ultimate babe.” And after months of preaching that sentiment the proof is in the pudding. Gerard Butler in fact did ‘bag the ultimate babe.’

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