Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Ok this man, who for the sake of comedy we’ll name Neo, gets to rub down Gisele Bundchen’s perfect ass with oil. I’m going to kill my guidance counselor. How come the ‘two-handfuls of heavenly ass rubdown’ wasn’t offered in the curriculum when I went to college. I would have been first in line. Can you imagine,

“Coach put me in, someone’s gotta tame that ass before it walks all over us.”

“Bob, c’mon you’ve been riding the bench all season long for a reason. You wouldn’t know what to do with those hose-hounds if I gift wrapped em and mounted them on the wall for you. Forget it.”

“But coach, I’ve been been waxing windows and watching Over The Top everyday for the past three months just like you told me to. I’m ready, Coach. Put me in.”

“Ok, Bob. You want a shot to slay the two-headed dragon? Be my guest.”

Thanks coach, I won’t let you down.

“God save us all”.

Comments (4)

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John:
A Canadian Judge has found Chad Kroeger guilty of drunk driving. Kroeger was driving a $175K Lamborghini at 160km/hour down a Surrey, Canada street. He was reportedly listening to his own music. This is a huge setback for middle-of-the-road rock fans everywhere. He will be sentenced in May for the crime of driving while intoxicated and general douchbaggery.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Derober has an exclusive photo from Jay-Z and Beyonce’s wedding in the future. We’re that good. The couple of five years finally wanted to consummate their marriage with sex, so they hit up a court house in Scarsdale, NY and made their mark in ink.
According to WWTDD,

The pair reportedly got the license yesterday morning, which means the earliest they could get hitched is Wednesday. Otherwise, it’s good for 60 days anywhere in New York State.
A spokeswoman for Beyoncé refused to comment, and Jay-Z’s rep couldn’t be reached.

This has the potential for a late April Fools joke, but in order for the power couple to pull one over on us, we would have to give a shit in the first place.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Russian tennis player, Mikhail Youzhny, lost a long rally and punishes himself by splitting his head open with his own racquet. Ivan Drago is smiling somewhere.

Comments (3)

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John:
How timely. Explicit clips of the 35-year-old being spanked and pleasured with a bizarre sex toy by women have emerged online. The film was made just prior to Dita’s emergence as a burlesque icon. It’s a blow to Wonderbra who only launched her as the new face of their famous push-up bra last month and it’s an even bigger blow to me because I wasn’t there.
Derober is not going to tell you where to find the photos but if you looked hard enough and aren’t a complete retard, I’m sure you find your way.
Photos are not here. And probably not here either. So good luck with the treasure hunt!

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