Derober

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Darby Gunpowder:
Derober has an exclusive photo from Jay-Z and Beyonce’s wedding in the future. We’re that good. The couple of five years finally wanted to consummate their marriage with sex, so they hit up a court house in Scarsdale, NY and made their mark in ink.
According to WWTDD,

The pair reportedly got the license yesterday morning, which means the earliest they could get hitched is Wednesday. Otherwise, it’s good for 60 days anywhere in New York State.
A spokeswoman for Beyoncé refused to comment, and Jay-Z’s rep couldn’t be reached.

This has the potential for a late April Fools joke, but in order for the power couple to pull one over on us, we would have to give a shit in the first place.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Russian tennis player, Mikhail Youzhny, lost a long rally and punishes himself by splitting his head open with his own racquet. Ivan Drago is smiling somewhere.

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John:
How timely. Explicit clips of the 35-year-old being spanked and pleasured with a bizarre sex toy by women have emerged online. The film was made just prior to Dita’s emergence as a burlesque icon. It’s a blow to Wonderbra who only launched her as the new face of their famous push-up bra last month and it’s an even bigger blow to me because I wasn’t there.
Derober is not going to tell you where to find the photos but if you looked hard enough and aren’t a complete retard, I’m sure you find your way.
Photos are not here. And probably not here either. So good luck with the treasure hunt!

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A roundup of the today’s best April Fool’s jokes (Asylum)
Gun’s N’ Roses release Chinese Democracy (Sound)
Egotastic turns out the lights (Egotastic)
What the f#ck happened to Lara Flynn Boyle’s face (Bedhead)
I think I can see Britney Spears’ nipple (Stab)
It’s a Victoria’s Secret model in lingerie (mannpill)
The Beckham’s get waxed (Popbytes)

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John:
Bar Rafaeli was born on Hesperos just outside the Aron Galaxy. Her father was a ninja and her mom was Miss Universe (literally). She has come here to save us all from ourselves and “pound that earthling from Titanic.” All I wanted was a little dress diving action but she summoned a fire orb or some shit which sucked because I was really close and I never miss.

For all the Derober ‘dress diving’ episodes, click here.

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