Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Bobby likey…Bobby want boobie.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Derober’s winner of the 2007 ‘Ugliest woman alive’ award, Amy Winehouse is back in the news for headbutting people while in a drunken stupor. Seriously. It all went down last night as The Sun reports:

Onlookers told how the married singer also SNOGGED a mystery fella at a nightspot and shocked punters by overturning tables and drinks.
She was later seen smoking drugs in the street, walked into a lamppost, and riled a cabbie by paying only HALF her promised fare home.

Amy then realized that she hadn’t met her ‘destruction quota’ for the night and thus decided to head to another bar.

She was off her face, throwing drinks around and turning over tables. Amy screamed, ‘I am a legend, get these people out. I want to take drugs’.”
Another man tried to get her a cab, but she reportedly thought he was trying to molest her and allegedly butted him in the face.

She also headbutted another man while at the bar when he refused to let her play pool before she went home. But when you’re the ‘ugliest woman alive’ you have nowhere to go but up so a drunken headbutting rampage almost improves your image. A few more nights like that and she might actually be able to shake peoples hands in broad daylight.

For more evidence of Amy’s insanity.

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Darby Gunpowder:
*I’d like to preface this article with my hatred for the word “gala.”

My invitation was lost to the White House Correspondents Gala, but Heidi Montag’s invite was revoked . . .by her boyfriend. She actually landed an invite to this gala event because she publicly endorsed John ‘Gala’ McCain. Spencer was not invited to the gala due to his condition of douche-gala-baggary, which is unspoken quarantine in my parts. As Heidi’s manager, Spencer pulled the plug on this gala appearance when didn’t get what he wanted,

He demanded first-gala-class tickets for both him and Heidi - even though he wasn’t invited to the gala.
When the network balked, Pratt canceled Montag’s appearance, claiming, according to our source, “It wasn’t ‘A-listy’ enough.”

I have a theory that the world’s collective blood pressure would drop substantially if Spencer Pratt found his portal back to Narnia to kick it with fellow Centaurs and was never seen again. Heidi could then go on with her life, like a normal fem-bot, and attend gala upon gala until her motor’s content. Gala.

If Spencer Pratt makes you want to flush your body down to China to escape the same gala continent he lives one -Click Here

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Everyone’s favorite ass-tastic media whore magician, David Blaine, is back to his same shtick again–breaking records that don’t need to be broken. This time he’s trying to break the world’s record for ‘holding one’s breath underwater without taking a breath’. And the ribbon on this worthless present is that it is to be presented LIVE on the Oprah Winfrey show (HALLELUJAH!). The record is to beat is 16 minutes and 14 seconds underwater without air. My only question is if I was to urinate in Blaine’s little aquatic bubble while he was in it, how long would he go on until he realized that he brought it on himself? In other words, would he realize just how doucherageous he is via my warm pee stream??
To see more of David’s idiot friend magicians click here.

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John:
Wal-Mart is rolling back the prices on the talent these days. Rumer Willis, Kristin Cavallari, Christina Milian, Josie Maran, Pete Wentz a.k.a the ‘Wentz’ Bag’, Corbin Bleu and Wilmer Valderrama whored themselves team up for Wal-Mart’s newest ad campaign for the spring/summer launch of Op. Each of the has-beens and never-will-be’s was paid in cigarettes and lottery tickets.
On a brighter note, I wore Op swim trunks as a diaper until I was 12 and they are very absorbent.

Related Shit: Here at Derober, we’ve made Pete Wentz a personal project of ours. Check out all things Wentz Bag here.

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