Derober

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John:
Photos of Fergie in a bikini are swirling about the internet today so Derober is weighing in. ‘Dress Diving’ with Fergie is a lot like playing in the plastic balls at Chuck E. Cheeses without the stench of urine and crying babies. She was a good sport about the whole thing. I just told her I was hunting dolphins and didn’t see her.

For all Derober Dress Diving episodes, click here.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Alright, I know Hilary doesn’t like me spying on her. But it’s only been 3 weeks and she’s already swapping tongues with some jock hockey player. John what’s the douchebag’s name again??

Let it go, Bob

NAME!!!

Mike Comrie, psycho.

Mike. I’ve lost my Hilary to a guy named ‘Mike’. F#%^ing typical!. The mutant also happens to be seven years her senior, so sweet. And based on the photos being taken this morning it looks like the ass-clomping clown slept over at Hilary’s last night. Hil-dog, I know you miss me. We’ve all made mistakes and I forgive you. Come back to me and it will be like it never happened. I miss our paper origami ice-cream sessions. Please…I’ve had the same clothing on for three weeks. I need you back.

Disclaimer:
The content of this rant is one of fabrication. It is not to be taken as a legitimate news source.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Something weird happened to me today…someone sent me a photo of Jennifer Aniston in a bikini, but I couldn’t find Jennifer Aniston. The photo was clearly labeled: Jennifer-Aniston-in-white-bikini-spread-eagle. All I could see was this girl lying out wearing a blue and white striped bikini, but I don’t think it’s Jen. Go ahead, give it a shot -try your best to find Jennifer Aniston in this photo. If you can find her, please circle her and email me with the phone number of the girl in the striped bikini.

In completely unrelated news, some badass artist created a real life version of Jessica Rabbit…and she’s smokin hot. Click here to check out the pic. Great tits.

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John:
Jessica Simpson rang in Tony Romo’s 28th birthday by singing him a song (badly) and starting a food fight. She licked the cake off Romo’s face like a pro, starting at the base of his neck and then working her way up, gently caressing his ears and keeping her teeth and hair out of the equation. Zero teeth. Pro.

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Darby Gunpowder:
You may not know the name Alexis Phifer, but what you should know about her is that she hates clowns. Especially bigot clowns. You’ve definitely heard of Kanye West, but what you should know about him is that he hates hot hookers. Some may call these ignorant generalizations, I call them truepinions (yes, I just coined a word). Kanye has broken off his engagement to MISS Phifer because he is a narcissist. More reputable news sources are reporting Kanye has fallen in love with his new “Glow in the Dark” tour and doesn’t have time for anything thing else -such as a wife. For more truepinions and Kanye West clownshoe stories, click here.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Just when you thought it was safe to go to the beach, Ali and Dina Lohan reared their ugly heads. The two fame leaches visited Malibu beach today in hopes of stealing some of Lindsey’s press. But no one steals from Lindsay. Rumor has it Lindsay is forming a counter strike as we speak. We don’t know many of the details but apparently a call was made to Kim Jong-Il and an alliance is brewing.

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