Derober

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John:
His name is Thomas Sturges and any girl would be lucky to date a nice boy like him. If I saw this photo and found out my daughter was dating this kid, I’d go to Wal-Mart and buy a shotgun. I looked up his affliction at HotChicksWithDoucheBags and found out Tommy here is called a ‘Greentail Douche.’ He has not fully blossomed into a full-on ‘StereoDouchetonic Bagger’ yet (note the absence of bling), but he will. Sure as the sun rises in the East, readers, he will.

Comments (5)

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Darby Gunpowder:
42 year-”young”, Elizabeth Hurley loves Photoshop as much as we do. There’s no doubt these bikini photos have been graced with the “Healing Brush” (Photoshop term). Liz will tell you herself,

Shooting bikinis is now my life, which as you can imagine is unmitigated hell. But if you signed on for the gig, sadly, you have to go and be jolly in a skimpy white bikini. So now I rely on nice photographers and a certain amount of retouching.

I don’t mind if you want to make me a bit thinner and a bit younger. We all like to get rid of spots and shadows under our eyes. But I’ve always been quite particular I don’t like my face to be retouched.

Every time I download my holiday snaps I go over them.”

Haaa-Chooo-Narcissist! *sneeze* As a professional photo retoucher myself, I have “fixed” thousands of photos. I see nothing wrong with giving yourself a little edge on the competition, but when you get your personal “holiday” photos retouched, you have issues. Seek help Liz.

Shameless personal plug:
For before and after photos of celebrities who went under the Photoshop knife visit my other website retouchfx.com and click on the celebrity page under “Portfolios”.

Comment (1)

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Jodie Marsh goes from a push-up bra to, well, those (DListed)
Penolope Cruz. Nude. Perfect. Boobs. (Egotastic)
Man has a can of paint removed from his ass. A can of paint I said (Asylum)
Eva Mendez back on top (Stab)
Trent Reznor is up to something (Pink)
This is weird but Tony Danza is 57 today. 57? (BedHead)
Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson making out (JustJared)
Ali Lohan is more like her sister every day (Blemish)

Comment (0)

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John:
Photos of Fergie in a bikini are swirling about the internet today so Derober is weighing in. ‘Dress Diving’ with Fergie is a lot like playing in the plastic balls at Chuck E. Cheeses without the stench of urine and crying babies. She was a good sport about the whole thing. I just told her I was hunting dolphins and didn’t see her.

For all Derober Dress Diving episodes, click here.

Comment (1)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Alright, I know Hilary doesn’t like me spying on her. But it’s only been 3 weeks and she’s already swapping tongues with some jock hockey player. John what’s the douchebag’s name again??

Let it go, Bob

NAME!!!

Mike Comrie, psycho.

Mike. I’ve lost my Hilary to a guy named ‘Mike’. F#%^ing typical!. The mutant also happens to be seven years her senior, so sweet. And based on the photos being taken this morning it looks like the ass-clomping clown slept over at Hilary’s last night. Hil-dog, I know you miss me. We’ve all made mistakes and I forgive you. Come back to me and it will be like it never happened. I miss our paper origami ice-cream sessions. Please…I’ve had the same clothing on for three weeks. I need you back.

Disclaimer:
The content of this rant is one of fabrication. It is not to be taken as a legitimate news source.

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