7 reasons why Shia Labeouf can’t fill Indiana Jones’ shoes

George Lucas recently told Fox News

“I haven’t even told Steven or Harrison this,” Lucas said. “But I have an idea to make Shia [LeBeouf] the lead character next time and have Harrison [Ford] come back like Sean Connery did in the last movie. I can see it working out.”

Derober believes that Shia LaBeouf fighting terrorists in an Indy-esque role would be, well, Hindenburg-esque. His character’s name is Mutt for Christmas’ sake! Paying audience says, “No ticket. No ticket.” Why? Roll your mouse over each photo and enjoy the 7 reasons:

REASON #1
Shia doesn’t meet Indy height requirements

Harrison Ford stands a solid 6′1″ while Shia LaBeouf is a petite 5′10″. Indy is short for Indiana. Shia is short because he’s short.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

REASON #2
Indiana Jones punches men like a freight train. Shia LaBeouf punches women like a cotton candy hammer.

Have you ever heard Indiana Jones’ punch sound effects? They’re like a MAC truck full of roaring lions that just drove out of the Apocalypse. Their pitch frequency resonates at a level mankind will never fully comprehend. Blue whales off the coast of eastern Asia are rumored to be the only species that can decipher the code in Indy’s punches. Only teletubbies can hear the sound of Ninnypants LaBeof’s punches.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

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REASON #3
A LaBeouf and a Ford

The Surname Ford evokes strong masculine imagery of muscle cars and Americana. A LaBeouf is some sort of French Sea Monkey.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

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REASON #4
Harrison Ford’s body of work is stout, while Shia LaBeouf is just a product of Disney.

Ford starred in not one, but two epic trilogies that helped catapult me into puberty–Star Wars and Indiana Jones (of course). He also did another little movie you might of heard of called The Fugitive. His presence on screen could captivate an army of ADD diagnosed children yipped up on cocaine. He could impregnate a woman (or man) with a subtle grin. Simply put, Ford wears the pants in any relationship. Shia LaBeouf on the other hand has a history of whoring himself out to massive audiences of children, staring in corporate gum-droppy kid’s shows for Disney. No leading man of mine is a mouseketeer.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

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Reason #5
Short Round would make a better Indiana Jones than LaDouche

Short Round, the show stealer in Temple of Doom makes Shia look like She-Ra. My dead cat’s name is She-Ra. Dollars to donuts Short Round could rip LaBeouf’s beating heart out of his chest and laugh about it. No time for love Dr Jones!

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

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Reason #6
Indiana is a ladies man, not a mangina

Harrison Ford can make girls wet by clipping his toe nails. True story. Ask Cary Fisher and I’ll bet she’ll plead the fifth due to a severe case of ‘can’t walk straight.’ Shia on the other hand has a chick’s name, 6 pubic hairs, and plays with transformers. Close the book on this one.
Our fingers are crossed that Shia’s “lead singer” is indeed stuffed between his legs this is not an actual cooter.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~


Reason #7
General Douchebaggery

Shai exhibits feminine characteristics in all areas of running, jumping, swimming, skiing, and breathing. It’s a sort of douche-aura he carries with him at all times. This is our appeal to George Lucas, please don’t make this stubby little poser the next Indy -or Mutt, I should say. You have a responsibility to the next generation of Indy lovers. Do you want them to tell their kids, “I remember when Indiana Jones Jr. got himself in a spot with some snakes and soiled his diapers… strait through.”

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

On a completely semi-related note, check out Shia’s co-star on Transformers (The Megan Fox) topless HERE
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The anne klein shoes are special shoes, not regular men’s shoes like the lacoste shoes or the baby phat shoes, with customized designs similar to the guess shoes.

Comments (49) “7 reasons why Shia Labeouf can’t fill Indiana Jones’ shoes”

blahMay 22, 2008 @ 8:52 pm

Boy you’re not kidding. This asshat was horrible in Transformers. I wanted to choke him with my bare hands. I hope he dies a horrible death.

not tellingMay 23, 2008 @ 11:06 am

WHat???….he acted superb in transformers…and he did excellent in this one 2…

interl0perMay 23, 2008 @ 11:08 am

Well, Transformers was a terrible movie anyway. They shouldn’t make any more Indy movies if Harrison Ford doesnt want to do it anymore.

But, Ill reserve judgment for now

AnonymousMay 23, 2008 @ 11:41 am

why all the hatin’ on shia? he’s a great actor. and you’re a fat loser blogger.

Dee Rober
2centMay 23, 2008 @ 11:42 am

so thatlast image… where did you find that fat hand with the gay pinky ring?

BommerMay 23, 2008 @ 11:47 am

As Mondo Correcto as you are on all seven points, we as an audience, are probably screwed given Lucas’s choice for the young Darth Vader for the prequels.

DanMay 23, 2008 @ 11:57 am

I couldn’t have summed up this jackass any better. Awesome article. :)

HahahahMay 23, 2008 @ 3:57 pm

sounds like the original poster of this article is too much of a pussy to put his real name on it, since he’s afrais Shia is going to kick his gaybee little ass from here till sunday.

fuck offMay 23, 2008 @ 5:53 pm

this is supposed to be funny? you have too much time (and hate) on your hands

cunt

StumpieMay 23, 2008 @ 6:16 pm

Yeah, I think Shea (how ever to spell it) Is a decent actor, he’s young, he’s bustin ass to get films.
Don’t judge him yet, he may turn out to be phenmenal, as for him being short..get bent I’m 5′ f’n 7″ THAT’S SHORT!
And for all the ‘no one is better than harrison’ get over it, he’ll die just like the rest of us (But I like him too)!!

Stumpie

AssholeMay 23, 2008 @ 6:23 pm

its funny because you can pick out the comments made by little 13 year old girls…they would be the ones backing up Guyblow LaDouche. Im gonna have to say no to this guy, i mean ya its funny watching him run around like a girl…but we dont need that in any future Indy spin offs.

DanMay 23, 2008 @ 7:47 pm

This “actor” is just a disney created monster. He’sa whiney little bitch. I would personally appreciate it if he stopped persuing a career in the film or any entertainment industry. Just look at the fit he through at a club 2 years ago when a bouncer didn’t recognize him. This kids a disaster.

TomMay 23, 2008 @ 8:40 pm

Anyone who hate Labeouf only hates him because 1)He makes more money than them 2) He gets more pussy and 3) He actually has an ounce or two of talent in him.

Scat Man KruthersMay 23, 2008 @ 9:24 pm

No, I hate him because anyone who is into scat sex scenes is sick in the head. No wonder the women that he is constantly propositioning reject him - once they find out he’s not interested in their vaginas, he wants the OTHER orifice………

samMay 24, 2008 @ 12:34 am

well i bet you were him. you can’t be nobody so you just play with your little computer effects. he is a very good actor and will be one of the best ever. who do you know that young that has not worked with disney or nick? wait till you see the movie before you judge. he was also awesome in disturbia!

idiotMay 24, 2008 @ 9:34 am

if you’re such a fan then you’d know that harrison ford is indiana jones jr ;)

jenMay 24, 2008 @ 7:42 pm

i like shia, but there’s only one indy.

kevinMay 24, 2008 @ 7:51 pm

shia was actually funny and showed good physical stamina in indy 4 as mutt. but harrison ford is indiana jones and shia knowes and respects that. it sucks that fanboys hate him so much because he’s a fanboy too.

vinnyMay 24, 2008 @ 7:54 pm

he was ok as indy’s sidekick lets just leave it at that.

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Joey DiggsMay 27, 2008 @ 1:46 am

YES! Shia is a douche and he ruined Indy IV for me. Why does Hollywood love this ugly boring Shia so much?

PS3 guyMay 27, 2008 @ 12:58 pm

That’s some great photoshopping, but you’re right about LaDouche. He should die.

Shia LoverMay 27, 2008 @ 4:07 pm

This is sooo mean. How can you make fun of Shia like that. Your a JERK. Shia Could kick your BUTT any day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:(

AnonymousMay 27, 2008 @ 11:49 pm

Those are horrible reasons.
Shia couldn’t be Indianna Jones because his name isn’t as manly as Harrison Ford’s?

Or because Harrison’s sound effects happen to be louder? That’s even more retarded.

Dee Rober
Bob 'The Bitch'May 29, 2008 @ 1:32 am

You like Harry Potter don’t you ‘Anonymous’?

Bob 'The Bitch'
SamJune 2, 2008 @ 2:16 am

omg you people need to get a life they movie was good part from thewhole alien thing but he was good in it and if he didnt do it who would? and who would do it better

pffftJune 8, 2008 @ 4:46 pm

i take it who ever took the time to write this…doesnt get enough pussy! if you were getting laid on a regular basis…shia labeouf would be the LAST thing on your mind.

do us all a favor and get some will ya.

nicoleJune 8, 2008 @ 7:14 pm

are you fucking joking me?
HE ISNT TALL ENOUGH?
wow. yeah. thats a really, really great reason. yep. because petite actors have no talent. um, fyi he ISNT EVEN PETITE.
shia could take over indy any day. he is so amazing. better then any talent any of you fuckhead haters would ever wish to have.
plus, in regards to the first comment? you hope he dies a horrible death? what kind of person are you to wish death on someone because you dont like his acting skills? that is so sick.

please peopleJune 9, 2008 @ 4:14 pm

No matter who was cast as Indy’s sidekick people would still hate. Shia was just the poor brave soul to take on the challenge. Shia is actually a great actor, and anyone with sense and a half a brain could see that. People only hate on what they can’t achieve. If you’re sitting here hating on Shia, then that means he is doing something right.

And all this Harrison nonsense…please people. Harrison is a mediocre actor at best and in Indy 4 he was even lacking. People are only drawn to Harrison because of the nostalgia of Indiana Jones. Get over it people.

AgieJune 10, 2008 @ 1:14 am

BLAH you are so stupid. Shia is acting and He have a great parts, You’re just jealous that’s all. Besides He acts great in every movie.

why don't you go awayJune 10, 2008 @ 4:55 am

omg… noob… you’re stupid.

MandiJune 11, 2008 @ 11:48 pm

R u kidding me Transformers was the shit and i’m not saying Shia could replace Harrison but he does make a kick ass side kick and who doesn’t think so can suck a dick and Blah what ever the fuck your stupid ass name is don’t ever threaten my fav actor like that again or i’ll chock you with my bare ass hands bitch and don’y get mad because he is getting the girls your only dreaming about he is a talented actor and if you don’t think so try watching Zac Efron act

patrickJune 18, 2008 @ 7:21 am

judging from the “hat hint” at the end of the most recent Indiana Jones, Shia LaBeouf might be the next Indy

JoyJuly 8, 2008 @ 12:02 pm

There is no young actor that can fill Harrison’s shoes-that’s a given. But Shia is actually quite talented and this list is pretty weak. Who are you to knock him when he’s only 20 some odd years old…give him time. The person that blogged this is the only one that seems like a douche.

Meg DiasAugust 1, 2008 @ 5:14 am

Sorry, I love Shia LaBeouf and I think he’s talented, sexy and cool, but I can’t stop laughing! Those pictures are very funny, but the arguments simply don’t fit. I still can’t see Shia as Indiana Jones, but I believe he can make anything he WANT to. I cheer on him.

fuck all u haderzzAugust 13, 2008 @ 12:13 am

u haterz are fucking stupidd.. seriously u guys are just jelouse of shia cause hes famouse bitchezz….man i think he is fuckin awesomee !!!all his movies are great… also he is fucking sexxy and the first comment damm.. u fucking stupidddd shit i hopeee u fuckin have a horible death letz see how that feelz biatchhhhh n-ewayz… i love shia labeoufffff 4ever

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ZykeSeptember 27, 2008 @ 2:06 pm

How can anybody claim Shia is a good actor? What has he ever done? He made Transformers unwatchable (I loved the parts with the actual robots), Disturbia was just bad, the guy hasn’t done anything of value at all. He just happens to be in movies with other good actors as a supporting guy and they make him look good (or Shia makes them look better, Constantine anyone.)

AnonymousMarch 15, 2009 @ 6:13 pm

ok for all the people that are defending Shia saying “He’s not that bad”… since when is being “not that bad” enough in a big budget movie? Lead actors have to bring something special to the table. Their own blend of kickass. Shia brings “meh”. You’re right he’s not that bad. big whoop.
and for the poster (13 year old girl) that asked what young actor didnt start in Disney or Nicolodeon… how about Ryan Reynolds? Now theres an actor who’s always fun to watch.

Dee Rober
AnonymousMarch 24, 2009 @ 2:14 pm

oh btw… @Idiot… Harrison Ford is Henry Jones Jr, NOT Indiana Jones Jr. The writer of the article is right (about that and oh so many things) and YOU fail.

Dee Rober
shiaswifeAugust 29, 2009 @ 11:04 pm

all the people hating on shia can shove a fat cock in and around theyre mouths. saying he cant act is the most bullshit comment ive ever heard. just stfu and go feed ur 20 cats.

TheBestJune 24, 2010 @ 10:00 pm

All I have to say is Transformers was the shittt

Wide SlippersJuly 12, 2010 @ 1:09 am

Maybe it’s because he is an incredibly cocky little shit head. Ever see the making of The Battle Of Shaker Heights? The Project Greenlight flick. He was a total prick on that. And he plays the exact same role in every movie. Constantine, Transformers, Disturbia, I, Robot…… He is an it kid in Hollywood but has zero range.

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