Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
You thought you could get away with it, Hilary. You thought I’d just let it slide. But you made a fatal mistake, Hilary. You bought coffee from Starbucks. You bitch. That is the highest form of corporate whoring. The summit of selling out. A cornucopia of commercial excrement. Let this be a lesson now and forever that I DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH STARBUCKS CONSUMERS.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Lord, say this rumor ain’t so. According to Kim Kardashian’s own website she just had “cellulite reduction” of the asscular kind. Now, those who know me know I have a love-hate relationship with Kardashian’s ass so this announcement is a bit bittersweet to me. But if it’s true than what the hell is the point of ever talking about Kim Kardashian? Why Bother?? It’s like talking about a flat chested Pamela Anderson. All VaVa, no Voom. I just hope if it is true that at least Kim’s left over ass doesn’t go to waste. Think what you could do with all that cellulite. You could open up your own candle store, provide shelter for Alaskan Eskimo, give a blue whale breast implants…the list is infinite. I guess Sir Mix-A-Lot said it best when he proclaimed,”I like big butts and I cannot lie…” I’m starting to see what he was talking about all those years ago.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Our favorite bag of sour creme and onion flavored insanity, Amy Winehouse, was arrested yesterday for suspicion of drug use. The allegations were brought up in association with a video that was released a few months ago in which Winehouse was spotted smoking crack and downing six Valium pills (note that just one could kill a small rhino).

When questioned Amy growled, foamed at the mouth and proceeded to dry hump the sh#t out of one of the officer’s legs. It didn’t go over well. The officer decided that his previous plan to issue Amy a warning wasn’t enough. He clubbed Amy over the head, arrested her on the spot and placed an electric dog collar on her neck. Amy has been trying to gnaw it off ever since but to no avail do to a general lack of teeth. And all I can say is why are all the great artists so disturbed??

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Darby Gunpowder:
You know that guy who would choose a Victoria’s Secret catalog over a Hustler…I’m that guy. I appreciate my imagination -the “what’s underneath” factor..
Remember the bikini clad Eva Mendez in the Farrely Brothers movie, “Stuck On You”? The movie is forgettable but Eva is not (see photos below). That’s the Eva I love.
Her topless, uncensored spread in the new Vogue Italia is a yawn-fest. I give it 2 limp thumbs down. Don’t get me wrong I love sex swings as much as the next dude, but I wouldn’t purchase the one she’s endorsing -looks constricting.
Some may argue the topless spread is artistic. These are the same people who think art is a chimpanzee named Ninnypants projectile shitting on a blank canvas, Jackson Pollock style.
For uncensored, full size, shit-stained, artistic photos of Eva Mendez, click on the thumbs below.

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Dina Logan gets Long Island’s Mingling Mommy award (Superficial)
Stadium streaker gets a turn in Playboy (Asylum)
Winehouse arrested for drug possession again (Stab)
Snoop Dogg in German (BedHead)
Kylie Minogue tour kicks off big time (Pink)
Kim Kardashian gets retouched (Stepfather)
I still can’t believe Evan Rachael Wood is dating Marilyn Manson (DListed)

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