Derober

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John:
Ashlee Simpson took the milk puppies out to dinner with Wentz Bag last night. Pete is really enjoying himself right now I’ll bet. Just wait though, Pete my boy. Soon, Ashtray’s body will grow proportional to the massive mammaries and vacation over. It’s like when a really cute puppy gets all big and you just don’t love it as much as you used to when it was tiny but with big tits and….I’m getting a little lost here.

Update: These 2 clowns are getting married next week!

Update 2: The rumor mill is buzzing with whispers of cheating! Who? When? Where? More to come!

For all Dress Diving episodes, click here.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Hey kids, do you like to play with Mommy’s toys when she leaves for work? Have you ever wished for something more?? Has the thrill of banging away on Mom’s drum sticks lost its edge? Well then do we have the solution for you. Introducing the new Russian made ‘Steffi Love’ doll is your favorite role model celebrity, Paris Hilton. The doll is modeled after Paris herself in looks and personality. It comes equipped with tripod and camera, a stripper pole, a strap-on, numerous changes of clothing and Paris’ patented herpe bumps. Who needs friends when you have Paris to show you how far the rabbit hole goes? So buy one today. Go ahead, go to town with her. Paris never judges. And neither do we.

Warning: previously mentioned accessories are not included with Paris Hilton doll. Doesn’t mean you can’t have fun though.

For more on the doll.

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Darby Gunpowder:
OVER-RATED! -clap—clap—clap-clap-clap -OVERATED! I know, I know, some girls have good days and some girls are OVER-RATED -clap—clap—clap-clap-clap! I gotta be honest, I’ve never been sold on Ms. Cuthbert. She’s famous, so she gets an extra 2 points on the hot scale, but let’s be honest, we all have friends or friends’ sisters that put her to shame. Maybe it’s her shittious tube-top bikini, maybe it’s her Albert Einstein looking weave…? Whatever it is, she’s OVER-RATED! -clap—clap—clap-clap-clap!

Update: Retraction, I just remembered how hot she was in Maxim -click here for pics…damnit.

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John:
When creating his new site Tom was reportedly told, “Suck yourself off in 4,000 words or less.” Tom misinterpreted his directions and shoved his head clean up his ass instead. Silly Boy. The site is clown shoes as you might expect. You can view Tom’s biography and hobbies. You can even chat with Tom if you like. I asked him, “Why head up ass?” I kept it short and monosyllabic so Tom would understand. I’m sure he’ll get right back to me.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Amy Winehouse never seizes to amaze me. She’s just so paleolithically ugly that she’s starting to turn me on for all the wrong reasons. It’s kind of like staring at the sun or a kid with down syndrome, you know it’s wrong but you do it anyways. In this gem of a photo you can see Amy without the Beehive wig which apparently is used for covering bald patches on her head (see pictures below). I just hope she can pull herself together so that she can be reunited with her drug dealer husband, Blake Fielder-Civil. After all, how else am I going to have fun with this blog if I can’t do weekly posts of the Flintstones smoking pebble rocks?? I put it to you.

For more on the Paleolithic one.

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