Derober

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Man builds a Pabst Blue Ribbon coffin for himself (Asylum)
Winehouse has just lost it all together it seems (StepFather)
Full coverage of the Metropolitan Museum ’s Costume Gala (Pink)
Tom Cruise is short and silly (BedHead)
Dennis Rodman goes to rehab (Stab)
More Rihanna hotness (JustJared)

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John:
Mischa Barton is holdin’ the ship together with duct tape if ya’ know what I mean. Mischa has been caught sunbathing topless more than any other star I know. She’s always so surprised about it too. If you know it’s fire, do you let it burn your hand?

Mischa’s inner monologe:

It’s a beautiful day today, Mushy. The balcony is calling to me. I know there is something I’m supposed to put on before I go outside today…something… Ahhh, sunscreen. Well remembered. That could have been a disaster.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
According to Scarlett Johansson’s rep, Scarlett and Van Wilder (Ryan Reynolds to the laymen) are officially engaged. And I’m..so…happy for the two….I can barely contain my joy. WHORE. You MAN WHORE, Ryan!! Anyways, according to People

Reynolds, 31, currently filming the aptly named The Proposal in Boston with Sandra Bullock, recently popped the question to Johansson, 23. The couple have not set a wedding date.
The Nanny Diaries star is expected to show off her sparkler at Monday night’s Metropolitan Museum Costume Institute Gala in New York. Sources say Johansson is eager to “show off her rock” with her Dolce & Gabbana gown.

Well, won’t that be nice. I plan to be there to see Scarlett and Ryan myself. Oh what’s that in the bushes, Ryan?? Surely, it isn’t me with a sniper riffle trained dead at your head. Cause only jealous people go to such crazy extremes. MAN WHORE!!!

PS–For the record is it just me or does the before picture look oddly perverted?? If I offended anyone I offer no apology. Rot in hell ya loser.

For more on the ‘man whore’s’ special lady friend.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
The preliminary reviews are in and the verdict is that the new Sex and the City movie is good–at least according to the New York Times (take that for what it’s worth). In addition to that review, God herself watched the movie last week and gave it her stamp of approval. Oprah mentioned the movie several times during her show and said that it would not disappoint. Thanks Oprah, you just forced every dating or married man in the country to watch this steaming pile of estrogen. I for one will not be making an appearance at the Sex in the City movie this summer. I have balls.

To all men shackled and constrained by the almighty chains of your lady and her love for Sex and the City, I have one small piece of advice. Take your balls out of your wife’s purse and boycott this titanic tampon. You’ll thank me one day.

For more on the horse face.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Kentwood Louisiana woke up when mega-star Britney Spears showed up at her sister’s baby shower this past weekend. E! News did all the work for us again,

E! News has learned that mom and dad did all the cooking for the alcohol-free affair, which included fried chicken and chili.
Security was tight at Serenity, with police setting up a roadblock and checking IDs. By noon, only about 50 cars were allowed to enter, mostly filled with college-age men and women. There was no sign of Jamie Lynn’s baby daddy/fiancé, Casey Aldridge.

I’m calling bullshit that Mr and Mrs did all the cooking. Derober’s underage illegal immigrant camera boy caught Jamie Lynn and crony outside the local KFC loading their truck full of greasy goodness. This is another sure indicator that her closet-porker of a sister was in town. Get you some hauss!!!

Click here to check out Britney’s gut.

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