Derober

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Photo credit: Daily Stab (thanks Kelly!)
John:
Christina Aguilera left Crown Bar in LA last night so wasted she couldn’t stand up. Derober would like everybody to know that we condone this type of behavior 100%. Christina could hav had a bad day yesterday. Who knows? Maybe she got a runner in her panty hose and just said “Eff it, I’m gonna’ get hammered drunk.”

Disclaimer: Derober does not actually condone this behavior unless you are female of a borderline age and under our constant supervision. Thank you.

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Happy Friday everybody! Here is the Derober week in review:

John went ‘dress diving’ again here.
Bob ‘The Bitch’ goes ‘Tit Sloloming’ with Halle Berry here.
Darby Gunpowder destroys Rumer Willis here.
Playboy has a casting call here.

Alba goes see-through (StepFather)
How to identify a transvestite (Asylum)
Christina Aguilera wasted (Stab)
Trashing the dead in Hollywood. This is worth reading (BedHead)
Britney is back on the set of How I Met Your Mother (Pink)

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John:
Even after Nick screwed her on the ring, Mariah and Nick Cannon tied the knot secretly in the Bahamas or some shit. When Mariah was asked about the pre-nup, she responded:

We didn’t have one. There wasn’t time.

That’s like saying you don’t have time to poop. Or there wasn’t time to gas up the station wagon on your road trip before the desert part. What about when you didn’t make time for water. Memba’ that?
F@#*ing retard.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Think only actor celebrities make serious money. Well then you probably don’t have an ass like Gisele Bunchen’s. In a recent report it has been estimated that Gisele Bundchen pocketed 35 million last year alone. That’s twice as much Heidi Klum made last year and way more than lover-boy Tom Brady earned–which makes me happy. I can only imagine the day she realized she had the greatest body in the world. She probably stood in front of a mirror and said, “Jesus Gisele. You could start a holocaust with that ass. Set oceans to boil. Write a fourth Lord of the Rings book solely based on those tree trunks.” Then she had the heart to heart talk with mom where they hugged each other and discussed plans to rid the world of men.

For the fourth LOTR book of Gisele.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Attention exhibitionists and nuns! Playboy wants you! In honor of its 55th anniversary, Playboy announced that it will leverage its new Channel on YouTube to host an online search for the best video submissions from hopeful Playboy models. This is my new favorite channel! Almost better than xtube.com. (Don’t go there) Hef’s concubine, Holly Madison is heading up the “initiative” to find the coveted #55. She has this to read say,

“If you think you have what it takes to become part of the Playboy family – and possibly the 55th Anniversary Playmate — then the YouTube talent-search is the perfect opportunity to get discovered, especially if you can’t make it to one of our casting calls. Just post a short video on YouTube that highlights your best assets – your figure, your face, your sense of humor, and especially your fantastic personality. The women with the most impressive videos will get a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to visit the Playboy Mansion and participate in a Playmate test-shoot with me!”

Interested women can visit Playboy’s YouTube Channel (www.YouTube.com/PlayboyCasting) to post a two-minute, non-nude video response to Holly’s digital invitation by answering a question or telling a story. The best videos on YouTube will be selected as finalists and will appear on Playboy.com where they will be ranked by Playboy fans before the winners are selected by Holly and Playboy’s editorial team.

Check out the SEXY Playboy promo video…it’s KSFW (KindaSafeForWork)

**Disclaimer: No, Playboy is not bribing us with lifetime subscriptions to their magazine to promote this. We just love Playboy that much.

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