Derober

Darby Gunpowder:
Mariah Carey hates the ground so much she launches the ball directly at it at the Yomiuri Giants v Rakuten Eagles match at Tokyo Dome on May 28. Gimme an H! Gimme an O! Gimme an O! Gimme a K! Gimme an E! Gimme a R! What’s that spell?!?!

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Rob Lowe is fighting back against the nannies that sued him (BedHead)
Tyra Banks is (really) photoshopped for the New Yorker (DListed)
Women who love watching porn (Asylum)
Hate to ask but does Beckham have a boner (Pink)
Elisha Cuthbert goes out to eat. And that’s OK with me (Stab)
Jennifer Love-Hewitt has still got it (WWTDD)
We don’t like Avril Lavigne but she looks really hot here (on205th)

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John:
Britney Spears is seen here joking with the paparazzi at some event (we’ll never be invited to because we drink draft beer). We see Britney with a rose in her mouth motioning at Julia Roberts with a rose in her mouth and the joke is, “See, I’m being like this person. I have a rose too.” You sure do, Brit. You sure do.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
It’s that time of year again isn’t it ladies and gentlemen? That time of year where you clear out your pog collection and other worldly belongings in hopes of making a fresh start. That’s right, it’s house cleaning time again!! George Clooney knew that. And that’s why he kicked things off right by dumping his long time prostitute girlfriend Sarah Larson. In Touch Weekly is reporting that the couple has split up over differences in their respective backgrounds.”The truth is they had little in common and [George] just doesn’t want to be tied down,” one of Sarah’s friends tells the mag.

And I say Horaay for single men everywhere. It’s good to have an excuse for all your friends and family on why you’re over forty and not married–”because if George does it, by God so can I!” So rejoice and give praise single men. Give praise to the ultimate cock of the walk in George Clooney.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
From the genius who brought you every other brilliant real-life cartoon, comes a vision of Mario the aged hipster. But when you think about it Mario was already a man when he was unleashed upon the world in the original Donkey Kong, so fifty seems about right. I hear though that despite his age he still shags like a rock star. But when you’re hung like a horse shagging comes easily.

So I’m told.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Mentally raise your hand if you loved the Lord of the Rings trilogy–thought so. Well if you’re like me you’ve been wearing the same tattered cape, and mithril armor while wielding a Sting sword around in public for about the last three years in anticipation of The Hobbit movie. Don’t judge, kids love me. Lord of The Rings fans out there I have some distressing news. It looks like JR Tolkien’s 83 year old son Christopher Tolkien has been fighting the release of a prequel to LOTR because the movie studios owe him money. Apparently when New Line bought the rights to everything LOTR in 1978 they promised the Tolkien family 7.5% of the profits. And the movie franchise has made a substantial bit of money if you didn’t hear. In fact New Line Cinema owes the Tolkien’s about 150 million dollars in LOTR revenues according to Tolkien. So for now the only Hobbit battles we’ll see are the ones in the court room. The Hobbit movie was slated to be released in 2010 but now we might have to wait until the whole Tolkien family dies of old age. Sad, but true.

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