Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
From the genius who brought you every other brilliant real-life cartoon, comes a vision of Mario the aged hipster. But when you think about it Mario was already a man when he was unleashed upon the world in the original Donkey Kong, so fifty seems about right. I hear though that despite his age he still shags like a rock star. But when you’re hung like a horse shagging comes easily.

So I’m told.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Mentally raise your hand if you loved the Lord of the Rings trilogy–thought so. Well if you’re like me you’ve been wearing the same tattered cape, and mithril armor while wielding a Sting sword around in public for about the last three years in anticipation of The Hobbit movie. Don’t judge, kids love me. Lord of The Rings fans out there I have some distressing news. It looks like JR Tolkien’s 83 year old son Christopher Tolkien has been fighting the release of a prequel to LOTR because the movie studios owe him money. Apparently when New Line bought the rights to everything LOTR in 1978 they promised the Tolkien family 7.5% of the profits. And the movie franchise has made a substantial bit of money if you didn’t hear. In fact New Line Cinema owes the Tolkien’s about 150 million dollars in LOTR revenues according to Tolkien. So for now the only Hobbit battles we’ll see are the ones in the court room. The Hobbit movie was slated to be released in 2010 but now we might have to wait until the whole Tolkien family dies of old age. Sad, but true.

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Darby Gunpowder:
R-tard, Sharon Stone, successfully inserted her old-balls foot in her mouth when commenting on the tragic China earthquake that killed thousands of people (both Chinese and Tibetan). Stone had the audacity to blame “bad karma” on one of the worst natural disasters in history,

“I’m not happy about the way the Chinese are treating the Tibetans because I don’t think anyone should be unkind to anyone else,” Stone said Thursday during a Cannes Film Festival red-carpet interview with Hong Kong’s Cable Entertainment News. “And then this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and then I thought, is that karma? When you’re not nice that the bad things happen to you?”

Dear Sharon,
Your name sucks. Everyone always refers to you as Sharon Stone -both first and last name, but when you remove Stone, the name Sharon is devastating to my ear drums. The earthquake killed over 10,000 people and left more than 5 million Chinese citizens homeless. Karma, huh. I’m sure all those people deserved to suffer. I’m sure after that comment your own Karma will probably not reign down fiery hell on you. Dumb.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
This just in..UK models are taking over the world–my world anyways. Seriously, Jordan, Keeley Hazell, Gemma Atkinson, Sophie Howard and now Bianca Gascoigne. This is not the Europe I grew up hearing about. The Europe where women lack dental care, tan skin, large breasts and general sex appeal. This is a new bolder UK where busty bombshells are royalty. A UK where tits are king. A UK when every man, woman and child has a fair and equal opportunity to fantasize about ludicrously hot woman from their own homeland. For more on Bianca.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
There’s nothing like a little whale spotting off the beaches of Hawaii. This cute photo is of Pierce Brosnan and his wife Orca Keely Shaye Smith. This taints the Bond legacy just a bit don’t you think?

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