Derober

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
If you’re like me you sit around in your PJs all day trying to unlock the rubik’s cube that is Hayden Panettiere. You ask questions like ,”How do I get closer to Hayden?,” “does Hayden like men with beer bellies and no IRA account?,” And “will Hayden guzzle down a gallon of Drano if I ask her to?” These are the questions that matter. And I’m proud to say I’ve at least unlocked the secret to a hardcore make-out session with Hayden Panettiere. It goes something like this–be a girl. Or at least trick her into believing you are one. According to Hayden herself she loved to make-out with girls when she was growing up in order to hone in on her skills. Hayden explains,

It’s great to be single. It’s great to have boyfriends. Or girlfriends. There are occasions when you kiss your best friend growing up, having fun and goofing about. Like perfecting your technique!”

Hayden forgot to mention social outcasts like me that never get girlfriends and have to learn vicariously through other people…on the internet. It’s almost as good as the real thing. You know like riding a bike and imagining it’s a Ferrari.

God, I hate my life.