Derober

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John:
Miranda Kerr and her boyfriend Orlando Bloom were spotted at the Canary Islands yesterday. Miranda talked about what it was like to be a supermodel and Orlando talked about what it was like to date a supermodel. I desperately want to make fun of Orlando and his sissy-boy motorcycle t-shirt but I cannot under Derober Article 5.0, The Supermodel Clause:

Any man, douchebag or otherwise, who is dating a ’supermodel’ is exempt from scrutiny, scorn, or general ridicule for the entire duration he is dating ’supermodel.’ This includes even SDB1 ranked bags (Stereodouchetonic Bags), such as Orlando Bloom and John Mayer.

Update: A girl hotter than Kerr in my opinion just turned 20 here.

Comments (2)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’
I’m a man of my word. Really when I see an ass like this I normally roll around the grass on my back begging for biscuits. But a closer examination of these pics reveals that Kristen Bell is being accompanied by a giant bag of douche. Ex Punk-er and former hemorrhoid Dax Shepard can be seen groping Bell’s ass in a manner that spoils my morning hangover. I just wanted to revel in my own self-loathing in peace but no, now I have to be reminded why Kristen Bell’s ass will never be mine.

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She got out just in time. Baby’s going to the big house (Warship)
Britney Spears to star in Snatch 2? (BannedinHollywood)
The hardest ‘whose hotter’ choice I ever had to make (DoubleViking)
Man in wheelchair nabbed for DUI. Yes, there is a photo (Asylum)
If you thought Courtney Love looked bad (BedHead)
Every College girl should look like this (HottestGirlsMyspace)
Clippers cheerleaders are so much dirtier than the Laker Girls (DonChavez)
It’s celebrities vs. the hottest girls on MySpace. win-win (TastyBooze)
Hot chicks firing huge guns (MacGWorld)
Sexiest AVP volleyball players (BustedCoverage)
Former Ms. Britain is smokin’ (AngryT)
Cheryl Cole and her cleavage (BrightBlack)
Stephen Colbert interviews Cookie Monster (BlogofHilarity)
Guy robs a convenience store with palm tree (Gibbs)

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John:
Everybody knows that the Derobers have had a few run-ins with Katherine Heigl that didn’t go well.
But this time I was only trying to help, I swear. Photos of her fat ass have been orbiting the blogosphere and I wanted to make her more proportional. That’s what 5″ tall sorcerers do. So I went to her house in Los Feliz, CA and she was listening to Jock Jams on her iPod…
She startled me. Never startle me when I’m sorcerering. I’ll f@ck it up every time.

Elsewhere in the network: The HOTTEST woman in England is barely wearing clothes here. MySpace girls vs. Celebs here.

Comments (5)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
This is what falling off the wagon at ‘ludicrous speed’ looks like. Ok, ok, so allegedly Colin Farrell is losing all this weight for a new movie role. But that still begs the question how did he lose all the weight? He looks like Death if Death were late for a meeting and had to throw on a spare piece of Ghandi’s skin. You know God hates you when Death shows up for briefings stoned, sans skin.

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