Derober

Best Family Guy Star Wars clip ever

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I look at Rihanna’s nipples through her see-through shirt and think to myself, “can I get that with a side of gravy?” Those are monster nipples. Kinda like the giant silver dollar pancakes John Candy makes in the movie Uncle Buck. This is what happens to Irish people’s nipples after their drunken uncle gives them an atomic tittie-twister. Just a swollen mess. I mean, god, I love Rihanna and respect her ‘tits swinging in the wind’ spirit, but when your nipples are bigger than your tits..damn. Put that in a bottle sister, you may have just struck gold…or found a portal to hell. Time will tell.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Ali ‘the lemming’ Lohan is trying to break her acting cherry by hitting the pavement and going to auditions. One small problem, she’s surrounded by retards and we all know how that story ends (see older sister). Unbeknown to her, Ali auditioned for porn director, Peter Davy. Although the audition was for a non-porn, mainstream movie, it still gives people like me the opportunity to start this story with the headline: “Ali Lohan auditions for porn director” which really jumpstarts my day. TMZ had this to report,

Ali Lohan’s rep tells us the girl had no idea that Peter Davy was behind such classics as “Breast Wishes 14″ and “Bun Busters 12.” Sources tell us the meeting was actually set up by Ali’s agent.

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Keira Knightley refuses to get her boobs enhanced again for The Duchess (Game)
Bar Refaeli is a bikini is unholy (DoubleViking)
Playboy holds open casting call. Yes, there are pictures of this (Asylum)
Amy Winehouse has a crate of blood delivered to her home (BedHead)
I don’t know who Ashley Gellar is but she’s all sorts of hot (Uncoached)
I don’t know who Erica Nemith is either, but I’m pretty sure I can see her nipples (Busted)
Earthquake boobs. You have to see it to believe it (Liquid)
I think Lohan’s boobs look saggy (Warship)
Celebrity vs. Myspace chick. Who wins? (TastyBooze)
I’m linking to this NSFW photo because it’s hysterical that’s why (DonChavez)
Marisa Miller bikini hotness (Dirty)
She might be Hef’s girlfriend but I’m not impressed at all (On205th)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
So for her unemotional faced boyfriend Milo Ventimiglia, Hayden Panettiere decided to give a surprise striptease for the actor’s 31st birthday. According to sources,

Hayden gave Milo an unforgettable birthday surprise by morphing from her bouncy cheerleader character in Heroes to a bump-and-grind striptease. As she sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to Milo in front of cast and crew during lunch she ripped off the costume to show off her sexy red lingerie. Milo’s face went bright red.

This may be true, but Hayden will always remember her striptease roots while she spent summers with me in the golden hills of Tuscany. She was only 13 the time, and I 2 score, but we were in love…and in Italy, so it was legal. I can only imagine every time she sees an old man on a bench in the park she thinks of me and my luscious lap. She left Tuscany for Hollywood by the age of 14 but I will never forget those passionate nights of nut grinding and ass motorboating. I know you’re still saving your good stuff for me, Hayden. And I hope you never forget where you got your lapdancing chops from. God knows I won’t.

Here are a few pics of Hayden in the early days struggling to master the craft of stripteasing.

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