Derober

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John:
Tara Reid is holding the ship together with duct tape at this point. Here she is at the beach looking all sexy for the cameras. I can’t stress this enough but I used to have a huge crush on Tara. I wanna’ go back in time 6 years and talk to my misguided self and explain Tara’s bleak future. Then I’ll suggest that perhaps having a crush Emma Watson might be better and yes she’s only 12 now and that’s creepy but stick with it, she’s going to be the real deal.

~ Reid and JC Chavez together is a nuclear mess~

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Darby Gunpowder:
Brooke Hogan is the epitome of Wal-Mart-Hot. She has obviously surrounded herself with ass-sucking “Yes People” which gives her a false sense if hotness. It’s probably the same people who tell Mary-Kate she’s a perfect size. For the record, this is my first and last post about Brooke Hogan because I cannot contribute to her pseudo-fame any longer.

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John:
Last summer I was sitting in my big chair, drunk, taking in my favorite show, Entourage. This summer I’ve been victimized by HBO’s ‘we roll out shows whenever we goddam want’ policy. So I did a little diggin’ and found a blog dedicated to all thing Entourage because I’m awesome like that. The cast was recently spotted filming season 5 in Hawaii which is doubling for Mexico. Apparently, we’re going to get our guilty little fix again on September 28th with cameos by Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Phil Mickelson, and Gossip Girl’s Leighton Meester. Until then I leave you with some of the great Entourage hotties from past 4 seasons.

Totally Related Side Note: If anybody can tell me what Gossip Girl is and how I might bed one, you will receive one birthday wish (as long as it is not world peace or a unicorn).

Comments (8)

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Justin Long and Barrymore call it quits (DListed)
Elisabetta Canalis is in a bikini and that’s awesome (DoubleViking)
Pamela Anderson in Playboy (Asylum)
A-Rod and his wife’s last straw (Warship)
Tom Cruise gives us one more reason to hate him (BedHead)
The Dark Knight billboard arrives in NYC (Stab)
David Blaine creeps out some cheerleaders (On205th)
It’s called Chess Boxing and it’s exactly what you think (Hilarity)
Dude jumps off a 6-story building (DonChavez)
Implant madness, Miss Chin crowned (BustedCoverage)
Hottest Girl of MySpace for the day. Wow! (GirlsofMySpace)
Joey Chestnut is an American Hero (Brahsome)
Michelle Marsh is British. More important, she’s hot (BrightBlack)

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Darby Gunpowder:
If Mini-Me kills his Ex will he go to youth detention center or man-rape-prison? Ranae Shrider, Mini-Me’s ex-girlfriend, spilled the beans about her “sex-life” to News of the World (this is the same chick who mini-me is suing for leaking their sex tape). After multiple attempts, I’ve never acquired the taste for midget porn, so needless to say, I spilled my lunch after reading their circus-act-sex-ploits. I suggest not drinking milk while reading because it came out of my nose when I tried…enjoy:

On sex in general with a midget:
“So I’d lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me. And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees! It wasn’t quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn’t wear a condom. There was no point, they’re all too big. On the whole though, he wasn’t short of sexy skills and tried his hardest to make up in technique what he lacked in size.”

On their first time and the Mini-Me’s magical rebound skills:
“I had no complaints. But the whole thing was over in three minutes. It was strange having sex with someone who couldn’t reach to kiss me at the same time, except for my tummy that is! I was so relieved it was over. But minutes later Verne was ready to go again. That night we made love three times in 20 minutes, which most bigger men only dream about doing.”

On why midget’s prefer sex on dry land:
“I thought it would be fun to do it in the tub,” she said. “Sadly I almost killed him. While Verne was watching TV I ran the bath, emptied a bottle of bubbles in it and called him in. But the bubbles were so thick and high that once he climbed in he got lost under the water and I couldn’t see him.”

You are now more normal and stupid for having read that, I assure you. Please refrain from any milk for at least 6 more hours.

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