Derober

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John:
I’m pretty sure that Mark Anthony is not allowed to be near water or fed after midnight. But here he is tempting fate, I guess. JLo and Gizmo are on vacation in Italy, probably on my yacht but the picture is all grainy and I can’t tell. If it is, they didn’t ask me and I hope they can sense my anger.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’
Marisa Miller roles with good company. As I made evident in my tell all book 5 Ways to Woo Marisa Miller, Marisa and I are happily dating. Or I guess you could say we are more friends with benefits. Whatever you want to call our relationship is semantics anyways–I rock…she rolls…we f@ck 3 times a day and 4 times on Sundays. And as a woman of class it should come as no surprise that Marisa has done a ‘proper’ topless/bottomless spread for the August issue of GQ magazine. And in a related story, there has been a startling increase of men who’ve developed carpal tunnel syndrome since the spread’s release. And all I can say is look but don’t touch fellas. Ol’ Rusty the sawed-off shotgun is always waiting close by my side.

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John:
Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy had some fun with the paparazzi this weekend in Malibu. Jim proves once and for all that, besides the taint, the upper thigh is the most unattractive part of a man’s body. In related news, I would wreck McCarthy. And by wreck I mean have a short burst of ’sex’ for 30 seconds before prematurely ejaculating and crying myself to sleep (I always do that).

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Happy Fourth of July from all of us at Derober.

For more sexy women sporting the American Flag.

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John:
There are some who say there is nothing more American than apple pie. Well apple pie, check your rear-view mirror because there’s a Fox in your blind spot. For those of you who haven’t heard the news that Megan Fox is single (we’ll call you cave-dwellers), then put your game face on this weekend in case you…you have no shot at her, forget it.

To celebrate the 4th, our friends at Asylum have compiled a list of American bikini’s. Enjoy!

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