Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
When Lindsay Lohan says she’s throwing a birthday party even Jesus takes notice. I don’t know what Lohan’s list of demands were for her birthday but I can only imagine they went something like this:

Item 1: 2, 000 dildos
Item 2: Rocket Launcher and real functioning Iron Man suit
Item 3: Enough cocaine to suffocate a blue whale
Item 4: Confetti
Item 5: Truck load of KY Jelly
Item 6: A goat (if no goat available then a tiger and several hundred hamsters)

But that’s all just speculation at this point. Anyways…yaaah Lindsay, Happy Birthday. One more year gone by that people didn’t know about your love of animals…literally.

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Darby Gunpowder:
We’re not sure why Megan Fox has decided to call off her marriage to Brian Austin Green. Weird. The Derobers stopped brain washing celebrities after we told Anna Nicole Smith to “Have another one Anna, what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger.” Lesson well learned there.
If anyone has any information as to why this dream couple split please let us know.
This just in: Megan Fox called off her engagement to Brian Austin Green because he is Brain Austin Green.

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Genious…

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
First off, let me start by saying I now know what a chicken looks like running with its head cut off. Chimpanzees look at Amy Winehouse and say, “how primitive.” And I for one am sure I saw the image of Winehouse’s body last night floating in the toilet. I should point out it WAS ‘Taco Tuesday’. Anyways, these images were taken of Winehouse last night. Apparently while walking home with her dad the voices in Amy’s head inspired her to pull a Forest Gump and run. She sprinted awkwardly away from the papz into oncoming traffic and then flagged down a civilian driving a convertible. She jumped into the vehicle with the grace of a special olympian and left the scene only to arrive at her house an hour later. No word yet on whether her father made it back home, however, the driver was seen abandoning his car where he then proceeded to light himself on fire, or so I’m told.

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John:
At the very top of the list would be going to an LA convenience store with a gansta roll of hundred dollar bills. Who does that, honestly? Why not just strap a bunch of raw meet to your ankles and go fishing for sharks? If you’re a robber I’d start casing the West Hollywood 7-Eleven ASAP and you’re gonna’ start seeing some results.

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