Derober

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John:
Marisa Miller is so pro I don’t even know where to start. I’m beside myself.

For the entire pictorial (and it’s sick), click here.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Dina Lohan (Lindsay Lohan’s mom) and her daughter (Lindsey Lohan’s sister) were escorted out of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 after-party for pretending to be famous and being royal bitches. According to E! Online, the Karma went down like this:

Sources report that when Dina, Ali and a friend of Ali’s arrived to the after-party, they sat down at a reserved table. A studio staffer politely asked her to change tables, but “Dina “went apes–t,” a partygoer tells me. “It so wasn’t cool.”
So not cool that “Dina was quietly removed” from the rooftop soiree, another source says.

Attention Hollywood: if you see Dina on the streets or in your neighborhood crack-house, do America a favor and douse her with water. Nothing special, just tap-water. You don’t need to dump a bucket of AIDS or botulism on her (save that for Heidi and Spencer) -just your crappy VOSS water. Trust me it will do the trick. If you do not have water, conjure up some spit and make sure she’s downwind. This will disable her until others come by with a bucket o water. Dismissed.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
True story, sharks must be able to smell Care-Bear bubble baths because one latched right on to Ryan Seacrest’s leg while he was vacationing in Mexico. However, it must have been a we-wittle baby shark because Seacrest didn’t even realize he was bitten by a shark until he spotted a tooth lodged in his leg later on. According to page six,

He didn’t know what it was for a minute - he thought it was a stick,” said one spy. “He had no time to be scared. He saw it swim away, he got out, took aspirin and called it a day.

This is all true except for the part where Seacrest realized he had been bitten by a shark. He let out a high pitched scream so loud it caused a massive earthquake out here in the states. I should know, I was there. Only Seacrest’s vaginal trachea has the power to pull that off.

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John:
It’s Miley Cyrus day here at Derober and I’ve got my Hanna Montana wig on. Is it just me or is Miley constantly itching to take her clothes off? Sometimes when Miley’s walking with her friends she’ll turn to them and say, “Did you just tell me to take my clothes off??” And she tucks her shirt into her bra and does cartwheels while her friends look at each other and say, “I didn’t say anything, did you?”
You know how some kids in high school apply for early admission to college? Well Miley applied early for Playboy’s college issue. She got accepted.

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