Derober

Asshole Mario stage 1

For Asshole stages 2 and 3…
Continue Reading: If an asshole was in charge of making Super Mario World

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Darby Gunpowder:
Jessica Simpson barely walked away with her great boobs after getting booed offstage at her first country music concert in Wisconsin. It appears that people were actually surprised her country music sucked. I gotta side with Simpson here. I’ve never liked her tunes in the first place, and I doubt anyone else has either, but to boo the poor girl for trying is unreasonable. The “fans” knew what they were buying into and should have come prepared with binoculars and earplugs. The Kenosha News exists,

“Many audience members found her attempt to crossover into country irritating and that her vocals lacked a southern sound.
“I just don’t hear the country in her; I don’t hear the twang. She’s not good enough to be here,” said Adam Matos, 21, from Arlington Heights, Ill.
One man summed her performance up in a single word.
“It’s crap,” said Ryan Sia, 28, from East Troy. “She doesn’t belong here.”

We did however find one big Jessica Simpson country fan, Phil ‘blumpkin’ Cho. Good for you Phil!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
In case you haven’t heard Batman The Dark Knight has just put my heart at ease by beating Spider Man 3’s previous 3 day opening weekend box office record of 151.1 million. Batman made a whopping 155.340 million dollars this weekend, or roughly 2.5 billion pogs. And lets be honest, the movie was f#cking stellar but Heath Ledger was the movie’s ace in the hole. I try to figure out how he was so brilliant and electrifying and all I can think of is that a sniper had his rifle trained on him during the entire shoot and told him that if he wasn’t a revelation in every scene that he would be killed. Either way we’re all just a little blessed that we got to see such a great actor in the role of his life just before he passed away. Epic, Heath. Epic.

Oh yeah, and f#ck you Spider Man.

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Darby Gunpowder:
In not-so-shocking news, the high courts decided that Britney’s kids are better off being raised by the lesser of 2 evils, Kevin Federline. Accorind to MSN,

Attorneys for Spears and ex-husband Kevin Federline met with a Los Angeles Superior Court commissioner in closed chambers Friday morning. A court spokesman says no formal settlement has been filed.

E! News is reporting that the parties agreed that Federline will get complete legal and physical custody of the two boys and Spears will have expanded visitation rights.

“The case has been settled,” Kaplan told E!. “The court still has to approve it.”

Spears will now have three visits a week from Sean Preston and Jayden James, with at least two overnight visits, her attorney, Laura Wasser, told The Associated Press. Spears was granted one overnight visitation per week in late June.

Although we tried our hardest to sneak into the courtroom, (Bob the Bitch’s assault rifle went off in metal detector) we’re sure K-Fed’s attorney’s just brought in the above photo and pointed to it. Done n done.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Let me be the first to say these women were not born from a mother like you and me. They were forged in the fires of Mount Doom. A trifecta of tits so powerful that when combined they can bring lakes to boil, turn mountains to rubble and even make the Riverdance look not gay. Simply put, Audrina, Rosario, and Katie are in a stratosphere all to themselves. A Tit-Twilight zone.

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