Derober

Darby Gunpowder:
Move over Angelina Jolie, you have been replaced by UK receptionist, Alison Carroll for the role of Lara Croft. Although Carroll has not been awarded the movie role (yet), she has been hired to promote the Tomb Raider video game, Underworld. I approve of this decision.
The Telegraph reports:

“Carroll will star in TV adverts and travel the world to meet Lara Croft fans.
Winning the role of Lara means Carroll can quit her job as a receptionist.
“This is a fantastic opportunity and I am really looking forward to embracing Lara’s world,” she said. “I still can’t believe they chose me to take on the role of Lara – and I can’t wait to get stuck in. This is my dream job. I have always wanted to be an action hero and hope to be able to use my gymnastic ability to perform all of Lara’s stunts.”

I apologize for Carroll’s thick British accent in the above quote, let me translate for you:

“My huge boobs and ability to put both legs behind my head and pat my ass like a bongo drum will sell video games to horny, virgin gamers. I hope they let me keep my costume.”

Update: It’s official, the Lara Croft costume that Alison Carroll will wear on tour (as seen above) does indeed look like a hot steamy mess.