Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Keeley Hazell is a hurricane of sexual prowess. She walks into an S&M store and says, “I’ll take me.” If she were an island it would probably lactate milk. Sometimes when I see her topless I swear I see the Virgin Mary in her nipples. She is my wife, my muse, my one and only. She will be mine or I will die trying.

Odds are I’ll die trying.

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John:
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have taken grocery shopping to new lows. I met Heidi once at a party and do you know what she said to me? She said, “Ok, nice ta’ meecha’ have a happy day.” It was 10pm at the time but I didn’t want to correct her. Heidi was already chewing gum and trying to walk at the same time and I didn’t want to pile too much on her plate. The poor girl’s head might explode.

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John:
Jodie Marsh is England’s biggest TV personality according to this one really retarded Brit I know. I don’t know who that guy sitting next to Jodie is, but I don’t blame him for what he did. It wasn’t his fault. He knew those cameras were rolling at that he’d be caught red-handed if he moved that arm. But somehow he convinced himself he was in control; that he’d just look up and give the paps a nice wave, let them know he’s a nice guy and - DAMN! Damn it all to hell!

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John:
For those of you who find this image disturbing, the women’s room is right here. Miley Cyrus is throwing herself a 16th Birthday party at Disneyland and she wants all her friends to come. Wait! There’s a catch. Tickets for the concert are starting at $300. That’s a lot of money. I remember when I was 12 my dad gave me a $20 bill and I tried to buy land in Hawaii with it. Did I mention that last year at this time Miley’s average concert ticket was a c-hair above $60? Now that is disturbing. Gouging kids and parents to listen to pre-recorded lyrics is bad enough. Pulling that shit during a recession is another. For $300, you’d better be doing this whole concert naked riding an Flamingo, Miles.

I’m categorizing this post under ‘Miley Cyrus is an asshole dickhead’. It’s harsh, yes. But so is life.

Comments (3)

Gay Mortal combat video and MUCH MORE (doubleviking)
Porn film shot on kids playground (asylum)
Valarie, the girl I always wanted (and still want) to do (bustedcoverage)
Joanna and Krystal = Two chicks at the same time (dirtyrottenwhore)
Creepy guys posing with porn stars (uncoached)
Brad Pitt and George Clooney stop by our neighborhood in Venice (celebwarship)
Kid gets poned by exercise ball-HYSTERICAL (donchavez)
Elsa in bikini is worth click for sure (on205th)

Comment (1)