Derober

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John:
Elizabeth Hurley is hot. I’ll defend her hotness until she shrivels and/or is no longer hot. But I have a beef with her today. Liz is shown arriving for the Pink Ribbon Charity Ball to support Breast Cancer. So where are her breasts?  Before you go thinking I’m an asshole, I am. And I want to see those turbo-charged, bonkers, MILF titties hanging onto a skimpy dress for dear life like they did in that one awesome movie, Bedazzled. And if anybody tells me Bedazzled isn’t an epic boob masterpiece, I will bear-chest man fight you to the death. Fact.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Hot girls who frolic around half naked like a bunch of street corner sirens deserve the chair. Let me elaborate. If said girl takes you to bed she’s redeemable, however, if she just flirts with you all day in a bra like Megan Fox and then sleeps with your best friend…execution necessary. I mean it, teases like Megan Fox don’t deserve any sympathy from the average joe. They deserve to be taken over a barrel and pwned something awful. And don’t hide behind the fact that you’re on the set of your newest movie How To Lose Friends And Alienate People, Meg. I know damn well that you’re ‘That girl’ who’s been performing Chinese flirt torture on masses of decent unsuspecting men for years. The jig is up–prepare for the barrel.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Terrorist to the stars, Adnan Ghalib wanted some attention so he reminded the world that he still has a sex tape of him and Britney. The walking shit-stain is trying to sell the fictitious sex tape to the highest bidder. The small glitch in his master plan is that there is no sex tape according to Spears. Sources say the video shows Adnan having sex with a transvestite in a Britney Spears Halloween mask with cardboard cut-outs of her kids in the background watching (for authenticity). When asked for a comment, Britney said, “That cloud looks like a puppy.”

Update: Remember that time we snuck into Britney Spears neighborhood and left her a present?

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John:
Lindsay Lohan is in Cabo with Samantha Ronson this week doing unholy things to each other. In this side-by-side comparison I’ve put together, you can see that Lindsay has what I call an ass. Ronson, on the other hand, has what is commonly referred to as a dumper. Ronson can barely hold herself upright for Christ sake. Being a lesbian dating a hot girl is soooo hard. Whaaaaaa! She looks like she might fall over and break her self-esteem at any second. This has become a total shit show. Que the reaper.

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Jennifer Aniston falls out of her bikini (Egotastic)
Jessica Alba Bikini Photos are amazing (DoubleViking)
Topless midget wrestling? You know you want to click. (Asylum)
Jodi Gordon is leading the PM Portfolio (Uncoached)
New sportscaster is hottern’ a muf*cker (BustedCoverage)
Amy Winehouse looses it: Part 489 (Warship)
It’s a douche-off! (TastyBooze)
Unstoppable hot sister combo (On205th)
Katy Perry shows off her whore cleavage (DirtyRotten)
Eva Mendez hooks up with a dog (BrightBlack)
The Monday poon hunt is on! (DonChavez)
Katy Perry is blowing bubbles. Yes, I’m linking to her twice (BedHead)

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