Derober

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John:
The Derobers usually stay away from posts that we can’t put a bikini on but I just can’t help myself today. Look at these ass clowns. Lynne Spears just wrote a book outing Britney’s drug habits as a 13 years-old. The book also discusses how Brit lost her virginity at 14. And now they are all sitting on a curb like the rednecks they are just gettin’ along like pigs in shit. The only way I accept this situation is if this photo was taken at an alligator farm and Britney was secretly strapping raw meat to her mom.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Isn’t it nice to see Transformers co-star Megan Fox lending her support at the premier of Shia LaBeouf’s new film Eagle Eye. I always jump at the chance to report an upbeat story. However, turns out Meg actually got lost on her way to the Blood Belching Vagina Coalition Rally (or BBVCR for short) in San Bernadino when she bumped into Shia LaBeouf scoring crack before the big premier. The two smoked a bowl and decided to wing an appearance together at the Eagle Eye outing. I mean, why the hell not? You’re on crack.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Barack Obama’s camp jumped on society’s bandwagon and announced they don’t want to be associated with Lindsey Lohan. Flame-junk recently went on a rant about her deep rooted hatred for Sarah Palin and John McCain on her MySpace page calling Palin a “media obsessed homophobe”. This would have been considered great free press for Obama except for the fact that nobody likes Lohan, therefore, nobody listens to the white noise that comes out of her mouth. The Chicago Sun-Times reports:

However, a top source in the Barack Obama team tells me the actress ”is not exactly the kind of high-profile star who would be a positive for us.”
Given Lohan’s past problems, plus ongoing brushes with controversy, I’ve learned the campaign quietly told the actress ”thanks, but no thanks,” but in far more diplomatic terms.

If you actually want to read Lohan’s nonsensical rant, you can read it after the jump.
Continue Reading: Obama to Lohan: shut the f@*#k up

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John:
Rosario Dawson went tits-first onto the red carped last night. I’m surprised she didn’t topple over. On a related note, how do these premieres work with bad movies? I mean, all these celebs file into Eagle Eye which is a stillborn fetus of a movie, right? So what happens afterwords? Do they talk about it? Do they walk up to Shia Labeouf and kick him in the crotch? I know I’m asking a lot of questions here but I want answers. I’m not finished with this… not by a long shot.

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“I’m a libra!”

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