The Story of Aniston and Mayer (in two parts)
~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~
Act 1: John leaves, “I had to go get all the hot young ass I could.”

Act II: John returns to marry his bride and plant his seed, a ‘pump n’ dump’

John:
John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are engaged. Reports say that Jen issued a marriage ultimatum upon his return. So says The Star,
just a week after Jen and John Mayer reignited their romance, Jen made her move and asked him to marry her!
After a barrage of romantic e-mails from him, “she said that she’d only take him back if they got married, and he agreed,” says a source. “They both know this is it. She wants to settle down, and finally, so does he. They’ve even talked about having a family, and John said that he couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone but her.”
We all know how the 3rd Act ends, kids. Aniston makes a baby. They name him Damien, the spawn of Satan. Damien runs a chain of Dunkin’ Donuts on the Lower East side of Manhattan unit he is called to lead an army of deamons against Jesus and Orthodox Socialists. Jesus and Damien call a truce after 100 years of bloodshed after both Jesus and Damien agree that Damien’s father, John Mayer, is a total douchebag.