Derober

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John:
Anyway, last month, Bono and one of his musician buddies went down to St. Tropez in the south of France for some guy time. While there, they hung out with 19-year olds Andrea Feick and Hannah Emerson. Feick took some photos and posted them on her Facebook. Noticably absent from the photos, Bono’s wife. When asked if the relationship was physical, Feick replied,

“No…God no!’ (she laughed) God no! He’s a friend of mine and that’s pretty much it. I’m not going to get into details, but it’s a small world.”

What the f*ck does that even mean? ‘pretty much’, ‘not going into details’, ’small world’… that’s just word salad. I’ll translate for everybody,

God! We pretty much f*cked the international waters out of each others while my best friend recorded all the details of Bono opening my small world…what a ride!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Traci Bingham may be a no talent hack but damn does she have a tit train that just won’t quit. I’ve never seen such a rudimentary chore like taking out the trash look so sexy. I mean what’s next, models that take ordinary tasks like brushing their teeth and doing the laundry and making them look as sexy as possible?…Wait…..wait a second…I smell a sitcom. Did I seriously just create NBC’s next reality TV hit show? Damn if I didn’t. But what to call such a monster hit? Here are a short list of titles off the top of my head:
-Whores and chores
-Sexy reality
-A day in the life of my wife
-Sex and the titty
-Work blows and so does she
-Sex, lies, and grocery lists
-Take out the paper and the ass
-Model This
-Strippers off the clock
-Tit-train with biscuit wheels does the news
-NAM NAM NAM
–Is it Sunday yet?

If you have anymore suggestions, by all means keep them to yourself.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Apparently Suri Cruise has her own apartment in NYC…and it’s a giant playroom. I’m picturing the movie “Big”, mixed with “Toy”, mixed with “Cocktail” I want to hang out there! I can see it now, I’m on the trampoline (drunk) flying a remote control helicopter in my Pj’s, Suri’s in the corner charging her batteries after an intense game of laser-tag (she used her own built-in laser), and Tom’s at the wet bar slingin’ bottles and high-fivin’ Bryan Brown. Heaven.

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Police found the body of 7-year old, Julian King in Jennifer Hudson’s brother Jason’s SUV this morning:

The body was found inside a 1994 white Chevy Suburban. It is the same SUV owned by Jason Hudson, the murdered brother of Jennifer. Before his arrest, cops were looking for William Balfour, the suspect and estranged husband of Jennifer’s sister. The license plate of the Suburban matches Jason’s SUV.
The SUV was found a few miles from the area where cops arrested Balfour.
The SUV is now being towed from the scene. Unclear if the body is still at the scene. No ID so far.
Neighbors say the vehicle has been parked there since Saturday. Balfour was arrested Friday night.
The SUV has been towed with the body still inside the vehicle. The SUV is now at a police garage in Chicago.

Jennifer put up a $100,000 reward for Julian’s safe return last night. Our thoughts and prayers are with Jennifer and her family.

Child kidnapping and murders occur way too often in America, it’s too bad the press picks and chooses high-profile victims. Food for thought:

• A child goes missing every 40 seconds in the U.S, over 2,100 per day
• In excess of 800,000 children are reported missing each year
• Another 500,000 go missing without ever being reported

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