Derober

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John:
The former 90210 star is still being followed by the paparazzi? Aside from the flabby underarms, I’d say Jennie’s a three-star MILF, not yet a four-star (General MILF), but I wouldn’t kick her out of my bed for eating crackers. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t kick anyone out of my bed for eating anything… unless you put a live pig on a rotisserie and set my bed on fire. Then I would have to kick you out of my bed for eating something. Then, you’d probably have to leave my house all together.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Thank God I’m in good heart health because these photos of Marissa Miller could be dangerous. My future wife posed in Complex magazine this month and looked flawless as usual. Some of the pics look like she’s in a dungeon or some sort of underground bomb shelter. Looks like someone beat me to my master kidnapping plan.

Comments (2)

9 Awesome places to have sex (I-Am-Bored)
It’s real girls, not celebrities, just smokin’ hot (DoubleViking)
Man gets arrested for having sex with a vacuum (Asylum)
Formula-1 Hottest Exposed (AngryT)
Sarah Michelle Gellar tries for sexy, just looks like used hooker (Celebridiot)
Nick Hogan gets released from jail, and he looks like shit (Warship)
10 Keg Stands with hot chicks. A must-see (Uncoached)
Giselle topless, ’nuff said (DonChavez)
Holly Madison at Chikipedia party is not ugly (BustedCoverage)
I can see Aniston’s nipples here. Can U? (BedHead)
Now Aniston is in a thong. See how that works? (NipSlipBlog)
OK, one more Aniston…Is she pregnant? (Stab)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
You know for the first time in years I woke up this morning and didn’t contemplate suicide. Normally, it’s me on the porch in my rocking chair watching the sunrise with a bottle of Jack and my nine. But after hearing that Paris Hilton is planning to leave the states for good I’ve gained a new outlook on life. I no longer consider birds chirping to be the voices inside my head, I look at bottles and think they’re half full, and I checked myself out in the mirror for the first time since Nixon was impeached from office and thought…I’d f#@k me. According to the Showbiz Spy,

“Paris Hilton is planning a permanent move to London.
The hotel heiress is currently in the British capital filming her new TV show Paris Hilton’s My New BBF (British Best Friend). And she is ready to leave Hollywood for good and settle down in the UK.
She told friends, “I love it here, I am going to move here permanently. I have already been here for one month and am much, much happier here.
“I love guys with English accents. I have met a really cute English guy, but it’s early days.”

Somebody break open my piggy bank, I’m going to Vegas! Time to ride Lady Luck to the promise land, bitches.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Tom Cruise is trying to clone himself using his wife’s body. This is a rare symptom of Napoleon’s syndrome, but it’s apparent the morphing process has already started. Katie’s once magnificent breasts (if you’ve seen ‘The Gift’) are shrinking, her hair won’t grow any longer, and she is wearing Tom’s suits -altered of course. We asked ‘MD to the stars’ Dr Saul Rosenburgerstienfeld for his professional take on the matter,

“In all my years, I have only seen this once before, when Michael Jackson attempted the body metamorphism on his chimp, Bubbles. He tried to convert the primate into a 7 year old boy. He almost succeeded until Bubbles suddenly died of an acute sinus infection in the groin area.”

Thanks doc. Maybe you should seek help yourself.

Here’s mini-Tommy and full-size Tommy leaving a Hermes party in NYC last night.

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