Derober

OK, I’ve had enough of this. I’m tired of sitting on the sidelines while this strumpet vexes America’s team. I’ve compiled a list of scientifically accurate reasons that Romo should give Simpson the boot …for good.

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#1 Jessica Simpson is a Succubus.

suc·cu·bus Pronunciation Key – [suhk-yuh-buhs]
n. A demon in female form sent to drain the life out of men while they sleep.

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#2 Jessica Simpson is a Liar

Jessica Simpson claims to eat meat, but she actually feeds on the athletic prowess of her victims; their athletic souls. Nick Lachey said,

“Before I married Jess, I could dunk a basketball. I haven’t gotten rim in 5 years.”

Tony Romo says,

My finger hurts

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#3 Jessica Simpson will look like crap in 10 years

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#4 Jessica Simpson Isn’t Carrie Underwood

Carrie Underwood actually has talent

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#5 Jessica Simpson Looks Like a Garbage Pail Kid

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#6 Jessica Simpson Is a Tease

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#7 Jessica is prone to rapid weight loss.

Upon further review, Derober.com has decided that we are assholes and this is actually a good thing.

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#8 Jessica Simpson dated Dane Cook, the unfunniest man in America

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#9 Jessica’s sister is married to Pete Wentz.

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Yeah, we’re not finished with this…

#10 Jessica Simpson has no talent.

Jessica Simpson is to talent what the Hindenburg is to flying. Below is a video of Jessica forgetting the words to a song at a recent concert. Watch at your own risk.

It’s time for Romo to stop the bleeding. If he doesn’t, this will end as a reality show on MTV about a man who used to be a great quarterback signing autographs at conventions while his wife tries to open a can of chicken tuna. Know what I mean?