10 Reasons Tony Romo Must Break Up With Jessica Simpson

OK, I’ve had enough of this. I’m tired of sitting on the sidelines while this strumpet vexes America’s team. I’ve compiled a list of scientifically accurate reasons that Romo should give Simpson the boot …for good.

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#1 Jessica Simpson is a Succubus.

suc·cu·bus Pronunciation Key - [suhk-yuh-buhs]
n. A demon in female form sent to drain the life out of men while they sleep.

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#2 Jessica Simpson is a Liar

Jessica Simpson claims to eat meat, but she actually feeds on the athletic prowess of her victims; their athletic souls. Nick Lachey said,

“Before I married Jess, I could dunk a basketball. I haven’t gotten rim in 5 years.”

Tony Romo says,

My finger hurts

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#3 Jessica Simpson will look like crap in 10 years

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#4 Jessica Simpson Isn’t Carrie Underwood

Carrie Underwood actually has talent

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#5 Jessica Simpson Looks Like a Garbage Pail Kid

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#6 Jessica Simpson Is a Tease

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#7 Jessica is prone to rapid weight loss.

Upon further review, Derober.com has decided that we are assholes and this is actually a good thing.

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#8 Jessica Simpson dated Dane Cook, the unfunniest man in America

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#9 Jessica’s sister is married to Pete Wentz.

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Yeah, we’re not finished with this…

#10 Jessica Simpson has no talent.

Jessica Simpson is to talent what the Hindenburg is to flying. Below is a video of Jessica forgetting the words to a song at a recent concert. Watch at your own risk.

It’s time for Romo to stop the bleeding. If he doesn’t, this will end as a reality show on MTV about a man who used to be a great quarterback signing autographs at conventions while his wife tries to open a can of chicken tuna. Know what I mean?

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Comments (7) “10 Reasons Tony Romo Must Break Up With Jessica Simpson”

jbNovember 6, 2008 @ 9:41 am

aw.. i like jessica.

although the garbage pail kids thing takes me back..

Hail Mary Jane | Hail Mary JaneNovember 6, 2008 @ 2:11 pm

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I R A Darth AggieNovember 9, 2008 @ 7:33 am

this strumpet vexes America’s team

Which is why she should continue dating Tony Romo…

anonymousNovember 9, 2008 @ 2:28 pm

This is just plain stupid. After a year you should just give up on it. They seem to enjoy each others company. Leave it alone what ever it is. Good grief too much time for you to think of something. lol

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