Derober

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John:
Prince Harry and his girlfriend Chelsy Davy are vacationing on the island of Mauritius. That just sounds totally made up by the way. More importantly, if you’re dating a prince, your a gold digger, period. Even if you are a great girl who jokes with the boys and drinks and farts, your still a digger if your dating a prince. It can’t be helped.
Tell me Chelsy doesn’t look in the mirror once a week and whisper, ‘Presenting to the court, Princess Chelsy.’
She does, trust me, she does.

Comments (3)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Ahhh 2008…lets recap the year shall we.
Britney lost her mind, found Jesus or something–saved; A-Rod banged Madonna, but not really, whatever; some babies popped out–to be expected; there was an election I think; Heath Ledger dies becomes immortalized as the new joker=5th Beatle; economy has post masturbation slump; and yet another year of booze, boils and bullets were at the forefront of my wasted life. So yeah, I’d say we’re right on par. Happy New Years Eve, bitches. Don’t call. Don’t text. We were never that good of friends.

And I don’t give a shit about punctuation or run-ons so don’t bother with your worthless guilt trips. Your malcontent only inspires me.

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John:
Ok, Bristol Palin didn’t give birth during the Republican National Convention. The bastard birth happened over the weekend and they named the baby Tripp. Bristol released this statement early this afternoon,

My baby eats and poops. Thank you.

No, Bristol, thank you. I’m enclosing a Miley Cyrus gallery because nobody wants to see photos of a pregnant teenager.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Katy Perry might not be the brightest bulb of the bunch. She might not have a face that smart people brag about. She might not even play for the right team. But damn does she have a body that just won’t quit. I suspect that those breasts, if analyzed closely, could be the cure for AIDS. That ass could solve the hunger issues in Africa. If Katy Perry walked up to me and held my hand I might finally learn how to write good. That or the other thing, jizz my pants and forget who I am for a half an hour. Either way it would be spectacular and good for a chuckle or two. Katy Perry for President in 2012. I’ll buy that.

Comments (4)