Derober

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John:
Oh! I see what you did there. You’re imitating the little Nazi in the back so people can identify with the character. Is there any way you can imitate a piano falling on your head? Is that in the cards tonight? No? Well, I’ll let you think about it but I really think a piano falling on your head would be a real crowd pleaser.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
So get this, I’m just walking down Venice beach yesterday with a bottle of Jack in one hand and KY Jelly lube in the other, as I always do, when I bump into to this dame with a rack chiseled by the Gods themselves. I tell her, “My name is Bob, but ladies call me ‘The Bitch’. Would you like to come home with me and check out my collection of Pure Poison Pogs?” She hesitantly nods and then jumps on the chopper with me holding onto my groin for security. We make our way back to my place, play a few rounds of Connect Four and then kick the sex train into full gear. She calls me ‘Bucking Bob’ as I groan like a yeti in heat. Seven or eight hours later we finally stop and collect ourselves over a cup of Scotch and Egg Nog. The girl tells me that her name is Stephanie Seymour and that she used to be a supermodel. The fire place still burning brightly crackles quietly when I look the woman in the eye and whisper into her ear, “you still are…” She smiles, and caresses my thigh. And that was how my Monday afternoon was spent.

The lesson hear ladies, get in touch with me to stay forever young.

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John:
Fact: If Lisa Rinna keeps doing sit ups like that, she’s gonna sprout a penis.
I get it, Lisa’s 45 and she keeps herself well. Maybe a little too well perhaps? Lisa is dangerously close to looking like one of those gender bending female body builders. You know, those oiled she-things that make you lose your appetite when you accidentally tune into ESPN 2 on Tuesday afternoon.
F*ck it. I don’t reed Playboy anyway and until they add a Tween category, I never will. 

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John:
More dangerous I guess? Pam Anderson, a fixture on the Malibu MILF scene, fills her tank off the Pacific Coast Highway today. You might be asking yourself, ‘how is this news?’ Um, she set herself on fire, that’s why. Do I have to explain everything to you people?
Sure, we do a lot of jazzy tricks with photoshop but that’s a real photo of her torso exploding while she farts fire. This is reality people. Time to embrace it.

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John:
The photo above slightly sensationalized. Paris was not home when a burgler forced his way through Paris’ front door and ransacked her bedroom, stealing almost $2 Million dollars worth of jewelry.
Here at Derober, we dump a lot of shit on Paris but I really got nothing here. This sucks. Bad.
It sucks because I have all this jewelry and I have no clue how to offload it. Gonna’ wait till things cool down. It’s hot now, I tell you. Hottern’ hell.

Here are some photos of Paris so she can see what she looks like without jewelry. Hope this helps!

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