Derober

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John:
I don’t know what Jebbica Simpson’s been doing over past couple months but one thing in certain, it has involved food. Jessica has a big problem brewing here. Nobody likes her because she’s smart or talented if you know what I mean. Right now I wouldn’t hire her if she applied for a Wal-Mart greeter. She’s gotta turn this ship around and do it fast. If not, I’m going to scratch her off my ‘top 10 women to fall asleep on after I sleep with them’ list. 

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John:
Marisa Miller is on St. Barts on a photo shoot for Victoria Secret. This not unlike how I spent my Wednesday  only without the bikini and the St. Barts. Marisa Miller is a top ranker in AskMen’s Top 99 of 2009 today. And she looks good, real good. I really have nothing bad to say about this fantastic woman. I’ve run it back and forth. I’ve turned this sideways, looked under the hood, checked the oil, and she’s clean. Marisa’s perfect. End of story. 

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Not only does Paris Hilton have the audacity to wear that bunny hat with a straight face but she also manages to find other ways to set mankind back a couple centuries. As you all know Paris is NOT poor and so you think that would make her LESS apt to take things without paying for them. But no, this is Paris Hilton. She eats babies for breakfast and shits poor souls for lunch. According to the AP,

Word comes to us late on a Sunday night at the Sundance Film Festival that Paris Hilton left the Hollywood Life House gifting suite with 30 bags — 30 bags — stuffed full of free merchandise from Whiting & Davis, which makes metal mesh material and accessories.
Even the publicity people representing the Hollywood Life House seemed aghast, noting in a press release that the Hilton hotel heiress did it, “without shame.” And we’re wondering why she’s even here. It’s not like she’s in a movie at the festival.
In the middle of a global financial crisis with people losing their savings, losing their jobs, losing their homes, Paris Hilton – worth tens of millions, at the least — walks off with 30 bags of free merchandise. It is, at the least, shameful. Right?

But Paris seems to be unphased by people’s criticism. Apparently money speaks louder than our opinion. Touche, Paris. Point you.

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John:
Paul Walker is on vacation with his girlfriend in Hawaii and we’re not. I know he made 10 Million Dollars for some car movie he made that I didn’t see and now he’s all set, but is does that make it right for him to go out in public looking all good n’ sweaty?
I just read what I wrote here and even though it sounds complimentary and gay, I’m just being really heavy on the sarcasm.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Marisa Miller…bikini…beach. Just brings out the baser instincts I guess. The thing about Miller in this Victoria Secret photo shoot is that she doesn’t suck. Well, other then those clothes she doesn’t. But I like that edge of mystery to Miller. Sometimes when you see all the goods women lose that magical wonder you once had for them. Just ask Lindsay Lohan. It’s like finding out that Santa Clause is not real. Sure you still enjoy opening the presents, but what’s the point if they’re not from that jolly old bastard? But that’s just me spinning my wheels. On a side note does anyone have any full monty photos of Marisa Miller. I’m serious.

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